


If My Heart Was A House

by flipmeforward (vinterdrog)



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-03
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2017-12-07 09:30:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 39,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/746961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinterdrog/pseuds/flipmeforward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Sebastian meet during the summer after high school and fall head over heels in love with each other. They don't talk about what's going to happen in September, when they're both supposed to go to college. (<em>Very</em> loosely based on <em>The Notebook</em>)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Summer, part 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hummeldreams](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=hummeldreams).



> Things from the movie you **won't** find in this fic: alzheimers, domestic violence or infidelity. There will be a bit of Klaine further on in the story, so if you don't like that, consider yourself warned. 
> 
> This whole fic is the result of the tags on [this post](http://hummeldreams.tumblr.com/post/46194340017). I wish I was kidding.

To be fair, it’s not like it’s the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to him, but Kurt still gets pretty damn surprised when Sebastian ends up being the one who saves him from a nervous breakdown that afternoon in June.

He has just finished working his ninth shift at the Lima Bean in seven days, and he feels like he’s about to pass out any second, when he runs into a bunch of neanderthals on his way out.

School is out, they don't have to worry about suspension, and this is _Ohio_. They're on him before he even has time to blink. Nothing too physical, because they're still in a very public place, but they catch Kurt so off guard that they might as well have punched him in the stomach. There are slurs and shoulder punches, and when they let him go, it's all he can do to keep himself upright until he gets to his car.

He slumps against the driver's door, taking a couple of deep breaths and digging into his pocket for his phone. He opens up his contacts and stares at it, trying to figure out who to call. He can’t figure it out, he can’t--He doesn’t know who to call. His friends support him, but they don’t _understand_ , and--He has known this, logically, for years, but it's just now that the realization really _hits_ him, and he stands there in the parking lot, feeling like all the air has been sucked away from him. When he finally remembers how to breathe, he almost manages to work himself into a panic attack, but he's jerked back to reality by an almost-familiar voice. 

“Kurt? Are you okay?” 

Kurt looks up, and of all the people he could've possibly expected, Sebastian is not one of them. He’s a regular at the Lima Bean, he always tips Kurt pretty well, and they’ve exchanged a few words when Kurt’s been wiping tables. He’s confident to a point where he’s almost full of himself, and had he been just a little bit more cocky Kurt’s sure he would’ve hated the guy, but now, they get along. He wouldn’t consider them _friends_ , exactly, but he's the one who's here, and he looks at Kurt as if he's expecting an answer. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I'm--fine. I'm fine.” 

“You sure?” 

Kurt frowns at him. “Why do you care?” 

Sebastian shrugs. “I saw what they did.” It’s not really an answer, but it’s more than Kurt ever would expect from him, so he accepts it. 

“Okay. I’m fine, though. I’ve had worse.” 

Sebastian opens his mouth and looks like he wants to object to that, but he snaps it shut again. “I’ll see you around,” he says, and walks away. Kurt stares after him for a few seconds before he catches himself and gets into his car. As far as encounters with Sebastian goes, this is the best one yet. That has got to count for something.

* * *

It happens again a week later. Kurt has to work a double, again, and he’s seriously considering calling his dad and ask him to pick him up, because he’s not sure he’s able to drive home safely. He gets halfway across the parking lot before he’s intercepted, like they’ve been _waiting_ for him. He closes his eyes and tries to block out the words, but some of them still make it through, still _hurt_. The best thing would be to just get away and drive off, but they’re surrounding him, and he’s too tired to fight his way through and between them right now. They give up eventually and leave him alone, and Kurt would’ve slumped to the ground in relief if it hadn’t been for the arm suddenly wrapped around his waist, keeping him upright. 

“Come on,” he hears, and it’s--Sebastian. Again. He gets lead to a car that isn’t his own, and Sebastian shoves him into the passenger seat before going around and getting into the driver’s seat. 

“What are you doing?” Kurt asks, but he’s not fighting, just wondering. 

“Taking your mind off things,” Sebastian replies and backs out of the parking lot with a practiced ease that Kurt can’t help but admire. 

“Why?” 

Sebastian doesn’t answer, just slides his sunglasses on and gives Kurt a brief smile before steering towards a road that will take them out of Lima. 

“Are you kidnapping me?” Kurt asks. Sebastian snorts. 

“Why would I want to do that? I told you, I’m taking your mind off things.” 

“You’re not making any sense.” 

“I never promised I would.” He opens up the compartment between the seats. “You pick,” he says, nodding sideways towards the stack of CDs. Kurt takes them out and looks through them. He’s impressed by Sebastian’s taste in music, he would’ve expected horrible things, and while it’s not exactly his favorites, he could easily listen to almost every one of these. Curiosity spiked, he picks out one that just has ‘mix 23’ scrawled on it and puts it into the stereo. The beat to Gnarls Barkley’s _Crazy_ comes through the speakers and Sebastian smiles, reaching to turn up the volume. “Good choice,” he says, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel. 

Kurt leans back and looks out the window. They’re nearing the city limit and the houses are getting more and more scattered. It’s late afternoon and the sun is low, forcing Kurt to squint to be able to see anything. He picks up his phone out of his pocket, but only gets two status updates about college into his facebook feed before he tires of it and puts it down with a sigh. 

“Bad news?” Sebastian asks, glancing over at him. 

“No, I just...don’t know why I keep checking in when it only makes me feel bad,” Kurt replies, defeated. 

“Check what? Facebook?” 

“Yes.” He knows it’s not his friends’ fault that they got into college while he didn’t, but it still doesn’t mean he wants it rubbed in his face all the time. 

“I don’t have facebook,” Sebastian says, reaching over to turn the volume down a little. 

“Yeah, sure,” Kurt says sarcastically, not believing him for one second. 

“I don’t! I had one, but then I got a stalker, so I shut it down.” 

“You had a stalker?” 

“Yes!” Sebastian looks over at him, but Kurt can’t tell if he’s serious or not when he’s wearing sunglasses. “And now I just don’t like it.” 

“Okay,” Kurt says, still not sure if he should believe him or not. He can check for himself when he gets home. 

“Why does it make you feel bad?” 

“I thought you were taking my mind off things,” Kurt bites out, a little too sharply. 

Sebastian shrugs. “Okay.” He takes the next turn, and suddenly they’re surrounded by nothing but fields. 

“Where are we?” Kurt asks. 

“Outside of Lima.” 

“Are we _lost_?” Kurt inquires, suddenly nervous. Sebastian scoffs, offended. 

“No, we’re not _lost_. I have GPS in my phone if you really want to know exactly where we are, but you don’t _need_ to know.” 

One song changes into another, and Kurt is a little surprised when Madonna trickles out of the speakers, but when he looks at Sebastian he’s singing along under his breath and doesn’t seem at all embarrassed. 

“Why are you doing this? We’re not--friends.” 

“I can drop you off right here if you don’t like it,” Sebastian replies, sounding annoyed and a little bit hurt. When Kurt doesn’t reply, his shoulders drop and he sighs. “You looked like you needed it,” he says a little bit softer. 

“I did,” Kurt agrees. “Thanks.” A beat of silence. “But are we turning back soon? Because I’m starting to get hungry.” 

“Sure.” Sebastian drives until he finds a safe spot to turn, and then they’re on their way back, sun behind them and Lima ahead of them.

* * *

The next day comes with a heat wave, and Kurt is working his ass off serving customers ice cold beverages when Sebastian saunters into the Lima Bean again. He perches his sunglasses on the top of his head and shoots Kurt a smile as he gets in line. He’s all casual and good-looking while Kurt is sweaty and exhausted, and not at all in a good way. 

“Hi,” Sebastian says when it’s his turn. Kurt is already pressing the buttons on the cashier; he knows Sebastian’s order. “When do you get off today?” 

“Uh--” Kurt glances at the clock. “In forty-five minutes. Why?” 

Sebastian hands him a credit card and a five dollar bill. “Just wondering,” he says. 

“Okay. Well, as said, in about an hour.” 

“Okay,” Sebastian says and signs the receipt, sliding it back to Kurt with another smile before he moves down the counter to wait for his drink. Kurt follows him with his gaze until he catches himself and shakes his head, putting a smile back on his lips and turning towards the next customer.

* * *

“Are you still here?” Kurt asks an hour later as he steps out in the parking lot, raising his hand to shield his eyes from the sun. 

“No, I’m a ghost,” Sebastian replies, sliding down from where he’s been sitting on one of the outdoor tables. 

“Why?” Kurt asks, suspicious. “Another road trip?” 

Sebastian shrugs. “You said we weren’t friends. I’m gonna change that.” 

Kurt blinks. “How?” 

“I’m taking you to dinner.” 

“Like a date?” 

“Yes.” 

Kurt’s first-hand experience with dating amounts to zero. He’d hoped that would change when he got to New York, but since he won’t get to New York, he might as well take what he gets. “Okay,” he says, taking a step towards Sebastian. 

Sebastian smiles. He has a really nice smile. “Okay,” he echoes. “Good. Let’s go, then.”

* * *

Sebastian drives them to a burger place in the outskirts of town. They make all the small-talk they never did yesterday, and by the time they get a table outside in the shadows with menus in hand, Kurt knows that he and Sebastian are the same age, that Sebastian had been in his school’s show choir too, and that he’s really good at lacrosse. And also, judging by the last track of the mix CD--that he likes _Mamma Mia!_. 

“Are you going to college?” Sebastian asks when the waitress has taken their orders. Kurt sighs and lets his shoulders fall. 

“Can we--not talk about college? Like, at all? I applied to one, I didn’t get in, and now I don’t know what to do, so... Please?” 

“Sure,” Sebastian says, not pressing. “Tell me more about the time you set your dad up with the mother of your crush and they ended up getting married,” he smirks. Kurt kicks him under the table, but he’s really grateful for the change of subject. He angsts enough about his future as it is, he doesn’t want to do it with Sebastian, too.

* * *

When they leave an hour later, Kurt’s cheeks hurt from too much laughter. He hasn’t felt this easy and been this relaxed in days and he leans back against the headrest with a content smile while Sebastian drives them back to the Lima Bean. He doesn’t know much about Sebastian, but he seems interested enough and looks good, and...they do have a summer ahead of them to get to know each other better.

* * *

As the days drag on, Kurt finds himself spending more and more of his spare time with Sebastian. They spend a lot of time just driving around, talking and singing along to the stereo, and generally just being. There’s an easy silence growing between them, one that doesn’t _have_ to be broken, and it feels good. Kurt has only ever had that kind of silence with his dad, and it’s rare now that it’s not just the two of them anymore, and he didn’t realize how much he missed it until now. He and Sebastian can easily drive for half an hour without saying a word to each other, just the low hum of the radio between them and the long stretch of landscape outside to keep them company. 

“How do you know your way around here?” Kurt asks one day when the sun is playing hide-and-seek behind the clouds and just generally makes it really annoying to keep his eyes open. 

“It’s where I learned to drive.” 

“Here?” 

“Yeah. My grandfather has-- _had_ a place out here. My parents travel a lot, so I used to stay with him when I was younger.” 

“Why did he sell it?” 

“He didn’t.” 

“But you said--” 

“He died.” Sebastian keeps his eyes straight ahead, even though the road is clear and there isn’t a curve in sight. “Two years ago.” 

“Oh. I’m sorry.” 

“Yeah.” 

The silence gets a bit awkward then, Sebastian with his gaze fixed on the road and Kurt picking on the seam of his pants. It’s reaching uncomfortable levels, when suddenly the stereo switches track and...Justin Bieber comes on. Kurt looks up and stares at Sebastian. 

“Seriously?” It’s another mix CD, and this isn’t even a radio single, it’s an acoustic version, which means Sebastian actively went looking for this version. 

“Shut up,” Sebastian mutters, still avoiding Kurt’s gaze, but now for a completely different reason. 

“Bieber? Really?” 

Sebastian shoots him a vicious glare, punches the skip button and turns up the volume. “Not talking to you anymore,” he mutters, but there's a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. 

“Not sure I _want_ to talk to you anymore,” Kurt shoots back. 

“Fine.” 

“ _Fine_.” 

There’s a few moments of silence, and just as Sebastian opens his mouth to say something, the engine begins to hack. He looks at the steering wheel with a panicked expression, and then at Kurt. 

“Stop the car,” Kurt says, sitting up straight. “Pull over and stop the car.” Sebastian does as he’s told, and Kurt looks down at himself. “Lucky for you, these are not my favorite jeans,” Kurt mutters and gets out of the car. “Pop the hood,” he orders. Sebastian does, then gets out of the car himself. 

“Kurt, you can’t seriously be--” 

“My dad’s a mechanic,” Kurt interrupts, not looking at him. 

“Yeah, my dad’s a state attorney, that doesn’t mean I go around putting people in jail,” Sebastian says, coming around to stand beside Kurt. “Come on, let’s just--” He trails off when he sees Kurt go through the basic check-up with a practiced ease. 

“Jesus, when did you even have service on your car?” Kurt mutters, looking at his smudgy fingers in disgust. “Do you have anything I can wipe my hands on?” 

“No.” 

“What about the shirt you’re wearing?” 

“I’m not letting you wipe motor oil on my shirt?!” 

“It would be an improvement,” Kurt says, still looking at him expectantly. 

“Hey, okay, either you mock my taste in fashion or my taste in music. You don’t get to do both!” 

Kurt looks pointedly at his hands and then down at the exposed engine. 

Sebastian sighs. “Fine. I might have something in the back.” He walks around and checks the backseat, reappearing with what looks like some kind of band shirt. It’s well-washed and soft, and Kurt can’t resist folding it out to look at it. 

“Aqua,” he says, forcing himself to keep his tone neutral. “I...honestly cannot choose between mocking your taste in music or your taste in fashion right now.” 

“Oh my god, just use it or I’ll call a cab and leave you here,” Sebastian moans, slumping against the driver’s door. “It’s not like I wear the thing. Or listen to them.” 

“Sure,” Kurt says, carefully wiping oil all over the soft-washed print. “That’s why it’s in your car.” 

“ _Kurt_.” 

“Okay, okay. Can you start the car?” 

“But--” 

“Just get in and start the car, Sebastian,” Kurt says, rolling his eyes. Sebastian obeys, and after a few seconds Kurt waves at him to shut it off again. “I’m gonna call my dad, hang on. I hope you have a tool box in the back,” he adds pointedly. 

Sebastian gets out again and goes to look in the back. He does locate a tool box and sends a silent thanks to his dad, because Sebastian sure as hell did not put it there. He hands it over to Kurt and then leans against the side of the car while Kurt makes his call, describing the problem and humming while his dad talks him through it. 

“There, try again,” Kurt says loudly after a while, making Sebastian jerk. He gets into the car and turns the key--it purrs like a dream. Kurt shuts the hood and gives him a triumphant smile. He wipes his hands again, the shirt is definitely beyond all hopes of repair now, then walks around and drops them both in the back before shutting that too. 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says as Kurt gets into the passenger seat again. 

“You’re welcome.” 

“You look weirdly hot as a mechanic,” Sebastian smirks, glancing over at him. 

“Yeah, right,” Kurt scoffs. “Now take me home so I can change.” 

“I’m serious!” Sebastian exclaims even as he turns the car around. 

“Yes, ‘weirdly hot,’ such a huge compliment. I’m beside myself,” Kurt deadpans. 

“Okay, fine, you looked hot, period,” Sebastian amends. “All...” 

“...Greasy and manly?” Kurt fills in for him, sarcasm dripping from his words. Sebastian’s silence is answer enough and Kurt sighs. “You’re such a stereotype.” 

“Are you gonna mock me for everything I do?” 

A beat of silence, then, “Yes, probably.” 

“Good to know.”

* * *

“Hey, uhm, do you have any plans for today?” Sebastian asks as he takes his drink from Kurt. 

“No. Or yes, I thought we were hanging out?” 

“Yeah, yeah, we are, but--I want to show you something. So I just wanted to make sure we have time." 

Sebastian is nervous, and it’s adorable. “No, I’m yours for the night,” Kurt smiles. 

“Good, good. I’ll see you later.” 

“Yeah.”

* * *

Kurt is in a good mood when he gets off his shift and out into the sun. It’s been an early shift, so it’s just after three, and it’s been a _good_ shift, so he’s excited for what the afternoon will bring. 

“Hi,” he says brightly when he gets to Sebastian, who’s standing against his car. “What was it that you wanted to show me?” 

“Get in,” Sebastian says and motions to the car. 

“You could say please, at least,” Kurt says, but his smile doesn’t fade as he gets into the car. 

“ _Please_ ,” Sebastian says, sugar-sweet smile on his face as he slides his sunglasses on and starts the car. 

“Thank you.” Kurt reaches for the spare pair of aviators in the glove box and leans back, forcing the tension from his body and wiggling his toes inside his shoes. Sebastian navigates them in the general direction of where they’ve been driving around already, but he stays on the main road longer now. Kurt has no idea where they’re going, but he trusts Sebastian. 

“How did you come out to your parents?” he asks suddenly when they turn onto a gravel road. 

Sebastian laughs in surprise and glances over at him. “That was out of the blue,” he says, amused. “Why are you wondering?” 

Kurt shrugs. “Don’t know. I just...can’t imagine you sitting them down during dinner and telling them.” 

Sebastian snorts. “Yeah, no, no need. That wasn’t exactly how it happened. They caught me blowing another guy behind the club house down at the golf course. Weren’t a lot to question after that.” 

“Oh.” Kurt hasn’t exactly envisioned Sebastian as a virgin, but to get it spelled out like this was a little unexpected. 

“‘Oh’ what? You wanted a sob story? I bet yours is,” Sebastian smirks. Kurt deflates a little. 

“It is, actually,” he says. Sebastian’s smile dims. 

“Oh. Tell me?” 

“Not much to tell there, either. I--uh--had some kind of crisis. Made out with a girl, was a kicker on the football team, we both cried when I told him. He said he already knew.” Kurt tries to keep his tone light and neutral, tries to not show Sebastian how much this did, and still does, affect him. 

“And you call _me_ a stereotype,” Sebastian mutters, but there’s no heat in it. “I’m glad he was okay with it, though,” he adds. 

“Yeah.” 

“You made out with a _girl_?” Sebastian asks after a few moments, as if he's just taken in what Kurt really said. 

“Yes,” Kurt sighs. “It wasn't my finest moment.” 

“ _Is_ it different than kissing boys?” Sebastian sounds curious. 

Kurt replies “I wouldn't know” before he can even think twice about it, and then blushes furiously. 

“What, you've never kissed a guy?” Sebastian sounds disbelieving. 

“Well you've obviously never kissed a girl, so I guess we're even,” Kurt bites out, and it looks like Sebastian wants to reply, but then he suddenly makes a sharp turn into a driveway and stops in front of a battered old house. 

“What are we doing here?” Kurt asks as Sebastian kills the engine and unfastens his seatbelt. 

“It’s what I wanted to show you,” Sebastian replies. Kurt glances dubiously at the weather-worn building. 

“Okay...?” 

Sebastian gets out of the car and motions for Kurt to do the same. 

It’s a nice house, or at least Kurt is pretty sure that it has been a nice house. It’s big, and while it’s not _broken_ , it’s still battered. 

“Sebastian, what--” 

“It was my grandfather’s,” Sebastian says, effectively cutting him off. 

“Oh.” 

“He built it himself,” Sebastian says when they’ve walked up to the porch. “He refused to get any help with it before he died. Now it’s just...No one wants to hire constructors, because he didn’t want that, but none of us have time to fix it. It just...stands here.” 

Sebastian has his hands deep in his pockets and looks so defeated that Kurt just wants to hug him. Kurt doesn’t know what to say, so he keeps quiet. He’s a bit overwhelmed with the amount of trust he knows Sebastian is putting in him by showing him this. It wasn’t what he expected when Sebastian asked him a few hours earlier, but he wouldn’t change it for anything. 

“You wanna see the inside?” Sebastian asks, breaking the silence. Kurt nods, and Sebastian pulls up his keys. “Come on, then.” 

Kurt follows him inside, and is surprised by how much better it looks than on the outside. 

“It’s pretty much untouched since he died,” Sebastian says, flipping on the lights. “None of us wants to live here, but we don’t want to sell it, either.” 

“We?” 

“My dad and his brothers. And me, I guess.” 

Kurt hums and takes a few steps inside, taking in his surroundings. It’s obvious that it was an old man who lived here, but it’s nice in a comforting kind of way. 

“Hey, did you have your own room here?” he asks, suddenly eager to check out childhood Sebastian. 

“Err--yeah, but--” 

“Where?” 

Sebastian hesitates for a split second before sighing. “Up the stairs, second door to the right. But you’re not allowed to judge me!” he calls as Kurt hurries to the stairs. 

“Depends on what I find!” Kurt calls back, stepping onto the landing on the upper floor. He turns right and puts his hand on the doorknob of the second door, holding his breath as he turns it. 

“Dinosaurs,” he says out loud, because he’s too overwhelmed to shut up. Sebastian comes up beside him and nudges his shoulder playfully. 

“Shut up,” he murmurs. “I was five.” 

“And you didn’t change it once since then?” Kurt asks, amused. 

“Dinosaurs are cool.” 

“Yeah, totally, but...maybe not in abundance like this.” It’s dinosaurs everywhere. 

“I only stayed here until I was twelve. Then I went to boarding school.” 

“Okay,” Kurt says, still amused and humoring him. 

“You’ve seen enough? You have enough to mock me for a lifetime now?” 

Kurt steps closer until their sides are flush together. The implication of a forever makes warmth curl in his stomach and he bites his lip to keep his pleased smile down. “Yeah,” he says, leaning his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. Sebastian puts his arm around Kurt’s waist, slow and tentative but warm and comforting. 

“You want to go out? See the lake?” 

Kurt nods. “Yes.”

* * *

The property is big, but the way from the house down to the lake is short. They walk close but not touching, hands in their pockets. 

“You spent your summers here, too?” 

“Yeah. My grandmother taught me how to swim.” 

“My mother taught me.” 

They walk out onto the dock, the wooden boards creaking beneath their feet. Sebastian bends down to untie his shoes and then sits down on the edge, swings his legs over the edge and dips his feet into the water. He hisses at the cold but doesn’t pull back. 

“Come on,” he says, looking up at Kurt. “It’s nice.” 

Kurt frowns for a long minute before bending down to slowly untie his own shoes. He carefully folds up his pants, momentarily glad he’s not allowed to wear skinny jeans at work because they would’ve been impossible to fold up. He sits down gingerly beside Sebastian and follows him, hissing and freezing when his toes hit the cold water, but he bears through until his ankles are submerged. 

“Nice, huh?” 

“Yeah.” 

They keep quiet after that, just swirling their feet in the water, looking out at the lake and the forest on the other side. 

“This is a really nice place,” Kurt says after a while. He will regret sitting in the sun without sunblock tomorrow, but right now he can’t find it in him to care, really. 

“Yeah. I want to shape it up, someday. When I’m out of college and have time.” 

“What’s wrong with now?” Kurt asks, because really, Sebastian doesn’t have a job so he has all the time in the world right now. 

“Right now I’m busy,” Sebastian says with a pointed look. Kurt blushes and averts his gaze. “No, but...I think I want to live here,” Sebastian continues. “In the summer, at least. Few weeks of vacation, a few weeks of working from home. Could be nice.” 

“I suppose,” Kurt agrees, even though he can’t really see himself living anywhere but the city as an adult. 

“What would you want to do? If you could decide one thing to do with this place, what would you do?” Sebastian asks, nodding over their shoulders up at the house. 

“Fairy lights on the porch,” Kurt replies immediately. It’s the one thing his dad doesn’t let him do, and it’s the one thing Kurt really wants. 

“Pot calling kettle,” Sebastian says, but he’s smiling. “Fairy lights? _Really_?” 

“They’re nice,” Kurt says solemnly, refusing to get defensive about this dream. 

“Alright, if you say so.” 

“I do.” 

Then there’s silence, again. The sun is starting to set, spreading a warm glow over everything, and Kurt’s skin is already tinted red. Skin care is going to be a nightmare for the next week. He’s mentally cataloguing his different creams to figure out the best remedy for this, when Sebastian’s voice breaks through his thoughts. 

“Kurt,” he says, soft and gentle and possibly a little bit nervous. 

“Hmm?” Kurt says, acknowledging him, but still trying to figure out how much aloe vera he has left. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

All thoughts of aloe vera vanishes from Kurt’s mind in a flash. He hears his own blood rushing in his ears, feels his lungs expand from the sharp intake of breath and goosebumps break out all over his arms and neck. Sebastian wants to kiss him. Sebastian wants to _kiss_ him. Sebastian _wants_ to kiss him. Sebastian-- _asked_ if he can kiss him, and the fact that he _asked_ makes Kurt breathless all over again because Sebastian knows that this is Kurt’s first kiss, the first that _counts_ , and he doesn’t want to just take it. 

He realizes that Sebastian has waited for an answer and given up when Sebastian braces himself against the dock and moves to stand up. “Never mind,” he mutters, and Kurt is abruptly shaken out of his trance-like state. 

“No!” he says, too loudly, and Sebastian flinches, pulling his feet out of the water, but Kurt grabs his arm. “No, I mean--Yes. Yes, you can--definitely kiss me.” 

Sebastian relaxes, puts his feet back into the water. “You sure?” he asks, even as he’s leaning in. Kurt nods, his breath caught in his throat. He’s feeling hot in a way that has nothing to do with the sun and the look in Sebastian’s eyes are too intense, so he closes his eyes and just waits. 

It’s agonizingly slow seconds before Sebastian’s lips meet his, dry-chapped meeting soft and smooth, and _oh god_ this is nothing like kissing Brittany. He’s still gripping Sebastian’s arm and he relaxes his grip when he realizes that his fingernails are digging into Sebastian’s skin, but Sebastian doesn’t exactly seem to mind. He leans further into the kiss, reaching up to put a hand on Kurt’s neck, keeping him still and holding him in place. There’s sunlight on his skin and the soft lapping of the water against the dock pillars, the smell of Sebastian, the _feel_ of Sebastian’s skin under his hand, their lips pressed together and _moving_ and-- Kurt breaks away with a soft sigh, his eyes fluttering open to meet Sebastian’s gaze. 

“That okay?” he asks. “Kissing a boy?” There’s a teasing smile on his lips, and Kurt leans back in to kiss it away, because he _can_. 

“Yes. Very okay.”


	2. First Summer, part 2

The fact that he can call Sebastian his boyfriend makes Kurt float on clouds for days afterwards. Every time he sees Sebastian, his stomach flutters even more than before, and he can’t keep a smile off his face. 

“Hey, you,” he says when Sebastian approaches the counter early one Saturday.  

“Hi,” Sebastian replies, sly grin in place. “You have plans for tonight?” Kurt had had plans, actually, but Rachel had cancelled late last night.

“No, I don’t. Why?”

Sebastian glances around him and confirms that he’s not holding up a line. 

“My parents are having a barbeque, and they--uh--asked me to invite you.”

“What?” Kurt squeaks, almost dropping the plastic cup in his hand. “Why?”

Sebastian rubs the back of his neck, looking flustered. “Apparently I’ve talked about you, and they’re curious.”

“You’ve told them about me?” Kurt asks, pleased and scared at the same time.

Sebastian looks confused. “Yeah, of course I have. Why, shouldn’t I?”

“No, no, I’m just--It’s fine,” Kurt says. “And I’d love to come tonight,” he adds.

“Really?”

“Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I? You’ve met my dad.” Sebastian has, and while it had been hilarious in its own way to see how nervous Sebastian got, it had been pretty nerve-wracking for Kurt as well. His dad is the single most important person in his life, Kurt doesn’t know what he’d do if Burt hadn’t approved of Sebastian. He’d like to think he’s independent enough that he wouldn’t care, but he knows it isn’t true. 

“Okay,” Sebastian says and grabs his drink as a couple of customers enter the shop. “Come around six? I’ll text you my address in a second.”

“Yeah, sure. See you then.”

* * *

Kurt is still fine when Sebastian leaves, but by the time he gets off his shift he's managed to work himself into a state of mild panic. 

“What am I supposed to wear?!” he exclaims when Sebastian _finally_ picks up his phone. Sebastian's responding laugh calms him for a second, before he remembers why he's calling. “Shut up! You're not allowed to laugh, it's your parents.”

“Yeah, babe, it's _my_ parents, so just chill, okay? You'll be fine as long as you don't come naked, and I really doubt you will.”

“In your dreams,” Kurt mutters, unlocking his car and not calmed at all. 

“My _very nice_ dreams,” Sebastian agrees, making Kurt yelp and drop his keys on the ground. 

“ _Sebastian,_ ” he hisses, not caring that he's the only one who can hear since they're on the phone. 

“What? I'm not allowed to say I think of you naked? Would you rather I think of someone else naked instead?”

“Yes. No! I mean--” he stops talking when Sebastian laughs too much to hear him. He finally manages to unlock his car and gets inside, shifting the phone from one hand to another since he doesn't want to listen anyway. “Are you done?” he bites out when he's had enough.

Sebastian sobers, but Kurt can still hear him huffing with suppressed laughter. “Yeah, sorry. Don't worry, I won't think of anyone else anyway.”

“I need to hang up, I'm gonna drive home.”

“Okay, just--oh, fuck, this is gonna sound so wrong now because of that, but I promise it has nothing to--do you want to stay over, tonight?”

Kurt freezes with the key in the ignition. “W-what?”

“Stay over. Tonight. So you don't have to drive home. I mean, you still have tomorrow off, right? You can sleep on the couch. Or I can sleep on the couch, or whatever, I just--You can stay over. If you want to.”

“I'll...see,” Kurt says, trying to keep his voice from shaking. He trusts Sebastian, he knows nothing will happen if he doesn't want to, but the thing that's making him nervous is that he kind of maybe possibly _wants_ something to happen. He's nineteen and he hadn't even kissed a boy until Sebastian kissed him; he wants to have done _something_ before he leaves this hellhole and goes out into the real world. “I really need to go now, I'll see you later, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” Sebastian sounds hesitant, but Kurt doesn't have enough focus to reassure him right now; his mind is too busy whirling with the possibilities of tonight. They hang up, and Kurt can finally turn on the engine and drive out of the parking lot. 

* * *

“Hey, Dad?” Kurt asks, hovering in the kitchen doorway. He's showered and is waiting for his hair to dry properly. His dad looks up from where he's squinting at a cookbook. 

“Yeah?”

“I, uh, might stay over at Sebastian's tonight. Just so you know.” He fiddles with a loose splint of wood in the frame, avoiding Burt's eyes. He doesn't ask for permission, because he's an adult, and he doesn't need to ask for permission to stay over with his boyfriend, but he still wants his dad to know. 

“Okay?” his dad says, now squinting at him instead. “Do I need to give you the safe sex talk again?”

Kurt feels himself flush with embarrassment. “Please don't,” he says quickly. “Please, _please_ don't.” Once is enough, really. Kurt assumes it was Carole who prompted his dad to talk about it last fall, and while Kurt had appreciated the gesture, he _does not_ want a repeat.

“Okay, good. So why are you telling me?”

“I just--wanted to let you know. That I might not be coming home tonight.”

“All right, thanks for letting me know.”

“Sure.” Kurt turns to leave again, but his dad stops him. 

“Kurt?”

“Yeah?”

“Be safe.”

Kurt blushes again. He doesn’t really think it’ll come to the point where he’ll need to ‘play it safe,’ but it’s good to know that he’s cared for. “I will,” he says, not wanting to bother his dad with the details. 

* * *

Ten to six Kurt is in his car, driving towards the address Sebastian had texted him. He’s nervous, his palms are sweaty against the steering wheel, and he keeps slipping above the speed limit. He’s definitely meeting his boyfriend’s parents for the first time tonight, and he might possibly have some kind of sex for the first time tonight. It’s completely normal to be nervous. 

It’s maybe not as normal to be scared shitless, but, oh well. What do you do? He turns up the volume on the stereo and sings along, trying to calm himself. It kind of works. 

His nerves come back with full force once he turns onto a street with a lot of big, expensive-looking houses. Kurt has somewhat expected Sebastian to live like this, but to _see_ it is a bit different. He doesn’t need to check the street numbers to know where the party’s at; there’s a bunch of cars in front of the house Kurt assumes is number fourteen. He parks his own car down the road, grabs his overnight bag, and slowly walks down the sidewalk to the right house. His palms are clammy again and he wipes them on the back of his thighs before turning into the driveway. There are noises coming from behind the house, and Kurt’s not sure if he’s supposed to ring the doorbell or just...walk around the house. 

Sebastian takes the decision from him by opening the front door, grinning at him. 

“Hey, you came! I was afraid you were gonna freak out on me,” he says, walking down the front steps barefoot and meeting Kurt on the walkway. “I’m glad you didn’t,” he adds, and leans in to kiss Kurt. 

“I, uh...” Kurt attempts, hitching his shoulder to point at the bag. Sebastian’s smile widens. 

“Oh, I noticed. You wanna put that in my room before we go out in the backyard?”

Kurt nods and follows as Sebastian leads the way into the house and up the stairs. He goes down the hall until he reaches the end. “I should probably warn you,” he says seriously and turns to Kurt with one hand on the doorknob. Kurt’s mind helpfully supplies him with a dozen different scenarios in milliseconds, making his breath catch, before Sebastian smirks and continues. “There aren't a lot of dinosaurs.” He turns the knob and holds the door open, receiving a smack on his shoulder when Kurt passes him. 

“Jerk,” Kurt mutters, dropping his bag on the floor and looking around. 

“Mm, yeah, but you like me anyway,” Sebastian says easily, coming over to him and sliding an arm around his waist. 

Kurt turns in his embrace and puts his arms around Sebastian’s neck. “And I have no idea why.”

Instead of replying, Sebastian just smiles and leans in for another kiss, this one slower and surer than the one outside. Deeper, _better_. Kurt can’t help the tiny moan that slips out of him, but Sebastian breaks away instantly. 

“We--we should get downstairs,” he says, taking a step back and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“What?” Kurt asks, face falling. 

“No, no, not like that,” Sebastian hurries to say, stroking Kurt’s cheek. “If I could spend the rest of the night kissing you I would, but I’m trying really hard to respect you right now and if I--if we continue, I won’t be able to go downstairs.”

Kurt blushes. He’s been doing a lot of that today. “Oh.”

“Yeah, _oh_. So come on, let’s go downstairs before someone comes looking for us.” He grabs Kurt’s hand and leads them back downstairs. 

They walk through the living room to the wide-open glass doors leading out to the back, where a bunch of people are milling around. Sebastian puts his arm around Kurt’s waist and leads him to the patio where a couple of men are standing in front of the grill. 

“Dad,” Sebastian says, and the man with the tong looks up. “This is Kurt. Kurt, this is my dad.” 

The man’s smile is nice and warm. “Hello Kurt, nice to finally meet you. I would shake your hand, but I’m kind of busy at the moment, I hope you’ll excuse me. I’m Carl.”

Kurt has no idea how Sebastian’s dad is as successful at his job as he apparently is, because the man standing in front of him is not intimidating at all; Kurt doesn’t know how he manages as a state attorney. 

“No, it’s okay,” he says. “Nice to meet you, too, sir.”

“Oh, no, you don’t have to bother with ‘sir,' I get enough of that at work. Call me Carl. Now, while I’m sure you haven’t heard nearly as much about me as we have heard about you, please make yourself comfortable here.”

“Okay, I will,” Kurt says, a little astounded by the ease and comfort Carl is providing. “Thank you.”

“You want steak or burger?”

“Uhm, burger, thanks.”

“Coming right up!” Carl salutes them with his tong and goes back to the conversation with his friends, and Sebastian leads Kurt over to the table where a woman and an old lady are sitting. 

“Mom, Alice,” Sebastian says, and Kurt tenses and straightens himself up a little when he hears the slight change in Sebastian’s voice. “This is Kurt, my boyfriend. And this is my mom, and her very good friend Alice.”

Kurt reaches out to shake their hands. “Nice to meet you, Mrs Smythe,” he says, putting on his best brave smile and hopes it doesn’t show how intimidated he is. She doesn’t beg off the formalities like her husband. Kurt turns to the lady beside her. “Hi, I’m Kurt Hummel.”

“Hello, I’m Alice. I live next door. Hummel you say, as in Hummel’s Tires & Lube?”

Kurt can’t keep the surprise out of his face. “Yes. That’s my dad’s shop. You know it?”

“Oh, yes, absolutely. Mr Hummel, the other I mean, your father, has been fixing my car for years. Wonderful man!”

Kurt smiles, all genuine this time. “Thank you. I’ll let him know you said that.”

“Your dad’s a mechanic?” Mrs Smythe asks, and Kurt’s smile immediately drops at the condescending tone in her voice. 

“Yes, and Kurt is, too,” Sebastian says, stepping in. “He fixed my car when it broke down a couple of weeks ago.”

“Which never would’ve happened if you’d just gotten regular service done, mind you,” Kurt mutters under his breath. Sebastian squeezes his waist. 

“Well, now I won’t have to bother you, because you can do it for me, right honey?” he says, sugar-sweet. Kurt just rolls his eyes. 

“Well,” Mrs Smythe says, displeasure evident in her voice. “Maybe you two can go in and bring out the dishes?” It’s a clear dismissal, and Sebastian gets it, immediately turning around with his arm still around Kurt’s waist. 

“Well, that could’ve gone worse,” Sebastian mutters as they make their way inside again. 

“It could?” Kurt asks, genuinely curious. 

“Yeah. Well, not a lot, I guess, but still.”

“I thought you said I didn’t need to be nervous,” Kurt says, grabbing the cutlery Sebastian hands him. “Your mom hates me, Sebastian. That is valid reason to be nervous.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Sebastian protests, but he doesn’t sound a hundred percent convinced. “She’s just--hard to get to know.”

“She hates me,” Kurt repeats. Sebastian sighs and abandons his search for paper plates in favor of turning around to kiss Kurt. 

“No she doesn’t. And even if she did, it wouldn’t matter, because _I_ don’t hate you. Besides, my dad loves you, so that’s gotta count for something.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

* * *

The rest of the night is pretty uneventful. Kurt stays as far away from Mrs Smythe as he can manage without being rude, and he keeps close to Sebastian. He makes pleasant conversation with Sebastian’s dad and a bunch of the other guests, and generally it’s a nice evening. 

When people start to head home, Kurt and Sebastian are sitting cuddled up under a blanket on the front porch swing. They say goodbye to the ones who passes by, but when Kurt starts yawning every thirty seconds, Sebastian starts to notice. 

“Tired?”

“Mm, long day,” Kurt replies sleepily, burying his head in Sebastian’s shoulder. 

“Wanna go to bed?”

Suddenly, Kurt isn’t all that tired anymore. Going to bed means...yeah, Kurt _really_ isn’t tired anymore. Sebastian notices the tension in his shoulder, of course he notices, and rubs his back. 

“Hey, just sleeping, okay? I mean it, I’ll sleep on the couch if you want me to.”

“No, no don’t--I don’t want that.”

“Okay. Good.” They get up and inside, and Sebastian lets Kurt have the first go in the bathroom. He hurries through a condensed version of his skin-care routine and brushes his teeth, then walks back into the bedroom. 

“You sure it’s okay if I sleep with you?” Sebastian asks, voice a bit muffled by the t-shirt he’s pulling over his head. He’s already stripped out of his pants, so apart from the shirt, he’s down to his underwear. His very tight, very fitting boxer-briefs. Kurt swallows. 

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

Sebastian gets the shirt off and turns to him and smiles. “Be right back,” he says, kissing Kurt on the cheek when he passes him on his way to the bathroom. Kurt looks after him until the door’s closed and locked, then he looks down at himself. How much is he supposed to dress down? He brought a pajamas, but he doesn’t want to be overdressed. He doesn’t want to be underdressed either, and he doesn’t know if Sebastian is planning on putting anything on when he comes back. Kurt kind of hopes he will, but also that he won’t. It’s a really nice sight, and he would be lying if he said he hasn’t dreamed about finally feeling Sebastian’s skin against his--but it’s also very distracting, and Kurt doesn’t know if he’ll be able to control his body if he gets into bed with an almost-naked Sebastian. 

Not that he thinks Sebastian will mind his body’s reaction. He looks at the locked bathroom door again, and then, with a sigh, he hurries to pull off his jeans and dress shirt, leaving him in briefs and his undershirt. He pulls back the bedspread and crawls in under the covers. The sheets are soft and cool and smell of Sebastian, and Kurt can’t help himself from burying his head in one of the pillows and taking a deep breath. He lets it out just as Sebastian opens the bathroom door. 

“Taking liberties, are we?” Sebastian teases, walking over to turn off the overhead lights. 

“Oh. Am I on your side or something?” Kurt asks hesitantly, scooting over a little. He can’t make out Sebastian’s shape in the dark before his eyes have adjusted to the darkness, so his heart skips a beat when he feels the mattress shift beside him. 

“No, not at all,” Sebastian reassures him. “I usually sleep sprawled all over.” He gets in under the covers, but stays a good foot away from Kurt. “I’ll try to restrain myself, but I’m not making any promises.” 

Kurt turns to his side so he’s facing Sebastian. “I think I’ll survive,” he says. He reaches out, puts a tentative hand on Sebastian’s arm. 

“Good,” Sebastian says, inching a little closer. “Would be really fucking boring if I managed to get you into my bed and then accidentally crushed you the first night.”

“Boring, huh? That’s the only thing it would be?”

“No. Honestly, I think I’d be pretty devastated.”

“Oh, you _think_?”

“Mhm.” Sebastian inches even closer and pushes on Kurt’s shoulder until he’s flat on his back, then he leans over him. “Yes. And right now, I _think_ I want to kiss you. That all right?”

Kurt nods. “Yeah. Very all right,” he says, so Sebastian leans down and does exactly that. 

It’s gentle and soft at first, Sebastian’s lips barely touching his, but when Kurt reaches up to put his hand on Sebastian’s neck and pull him down, Sebastian complies easily, deepening the kiss. He hovers above Kurt for a while, but finally he seems to realize that Kurt isn’t going anywhere, and lowers himself until he’s half on top of him. Kissing gets easier then, when he doesn’t have to hold himself up; he can put his hand on Kurt’s cheek and gently guide him until the angle is perfect, can run his other hand down Kurt’s side where his skin is warm through the soft cotton of his shirt. It’s tongues sliding and lips pressing and Kurt is letting out those tiny moans again but this time Sebastian doesn’t back away. He licks into Kurt’s mouth and presses down harder, and Kurt gasps when he feels Sebastian’s erection against his thigh.  

He feels himself flush, all over, and he doesn’t know what to do so he tangles his fingers in Sebastian’s hair and slides the other arm around his waist, keeping him in place, because if there’s one thing he _does_ know, it’s that he doesn’t want Sebastian to go anywhere. 

“Kurt,” Sebastian gasps, their mouths millimeters apart. “If you don’t--I’m not gonna be able to stop, soon,” he says, his breath coming in warm, wet puffs against Kurt’s lips. 

“I don’t want to stop,” Kurt whispers, surging up for another kiss, dragging Sebastian down with him. Sebastian shifts so that he’s more on top of Kurt, his cock pressing against Kurt’s now, and both of them moan against each other. Somewhere in his mind Kurt knows that this must be pretty unexciting for Sebastian, rubbing off in his underwear when he’s done better things, but he himself is so overwhelmed by this that he can’t bring himself to care, not right now. He wants to take off his shirt, wants to feel Sebastian’s skin against his own, wants _more_ , but he doesn’t want to let go at all. Sebastian seems to want the same thing though and he has less attachment problems because he sits up, straddling Kurt’s legs, and looks down at him. 

“Come on,” he says, pulling at the hem of Kurt’s shirt. “Off.” Kurt arches up and twists to get his shirt off, shivering when Sebastian’s finger brushes over his bare skin, and as soon as they’ve gotten rid of the shirt, he drags Sebastian down again. Their kisses get sloppier and soon turns into them just panting into each other’s mouth, their hips jerking against each other, searching for friction, for that tiny fraction of relief. Kurt moans, clutching at Sebastian’s skin, his hands sliding down to grab his ass through his underwear. This is all so new, so amazing and wonderful and Kurt just wants to do this _forever_ , wants to stay pressed against Sebastian like this with just their breaths and moans and gasps as the only things surrounding them.  

“Kurt, _fuck_ ,” Sebastian moans, burying his face in Kurt’s neck. His grip around Kurt’s bicep tightens and his hips stutter irregularly against Kurt’s, and _fuck_ , Kurt can feel Sebastian’s cock twitch against his. It isn’t until he feels wetness seep through his own underwear that he realizes Sebastian just _came_ against him, and that thought is a million times hotter than Kurt ever thought he’d find it. He whines against Sebastians cheek, gripping his ass harder and pushing him down as he arches up, desperate and needy and just wanting to _come_ , and then Sebastian slides a hand between them, rubbing the pad of his thumb against Kurt’s nipple, and Kurt comes with a shout, muffled by Sebastian’s shoulder. 

The silence stretches out between them, their breathing easing out and slowing down. Sebastian is still laying on top of Kurt, but it’s not an uncomfortable pressure, and Kurt is tracing random patterns on Sebastian’s back, trailing his fingers over the knobs of his spine and slipping his fingertips under the waistband of Sebastian’s underwear. 

“Am I crushing you?” Sebastian asks after a while, his voice heavy with sleep. 

“No,” Kurt says, honestly. 

Sebastian presses a kiss to Kurt’s neck. “‘m gonna move anyway, need to clean up b’fore I fall asleep,” he mumbles, but it still takes him a few seconds to actually gather up the strength to lift himself off of Kurt. He drops heavily onto his back, reaching out a hand to fumble for the tissues on his nightstand. 

“That’s not gonna help,” Kurt remarks and then winces, because yeah, dry tissues won’t do much for the dry come in their underwear. 

“I knooow,” Sebastian moans, dropping his arm over his eyes. “The bathroom’s so far away, though.”

“I’ll kiss you when you get back,” Kurt coaxes. Sebastian lifts his arm a little to squint at him. 

“Yeah?” He sighs heavily before pushing himself up on his elbows and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. “You wanna borrow a pair of underwear?” he asks, glancing over his shoulder at Kurt. 

“I have a pair in my bag, could you grab them?” Sebastian nods and gets off the bed with another long-suffering sigh, crossing the room with a few strides. When he flips on the bathroom lights Kurt squeezes his eyes shut from the harsh light and he keeps them closed as long as he hears Sebastian rummage around in there. When he hears the click of the switch and the light fades, he opens his eyes again and tries to focus on Sebastian as he makes his way back. 

“Here,” Sebastian says and presses a damp towel into Kurt’s hand. He cleans up and puts on the clean underwear, then hands the towel back to Sebastian, who just drops it onto the floor before crawling into bed again. He arranges himself so that his body is flush to Kurt’s, his chest against Kurt’s side and their legs tangling together. He slides an arm around Kurt’s waist and presses a kiss to his shoulder. “Are you okay?” he asks when it seems like he’s settled. “That wasn’t too much?”

Kurt shakes his head. “No. It was perfect.”

“Good. ‘Cause I wanna do that again.”

Kurt feels giddy with relief. “Yeah, me too.”

They’re silent for a few minutes, trying to fall asleep, but then Sebastian breaks the silence. “I’m sorry, but this isn’t working. I can’t sleep like this.” 

Kurt lets out a breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding. “Oh, thank god, me neither.”

“Too close, too warm,” Sebastian says, untangling himself from Kurt and scooting away until only one of his feet is tucked under Kurt’s shin. “There, better.”

“Mm,” Kurt hums, burrowing himself deeper into the mattress. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”


	3. First Summer, part 3

Kurt wakes up before Sebastian the next day, his body attuned to his work schedule. It takes him a moment to realize where he is, but when he does, he can’t keep the smile off his face. Sebastian wasn’t lying when he said he sprawls during the night; right now he’s posed like a ballet dancer, one foot against the other knee and one arm thrown across Kurt’s chest. Kurt’s pretty sure he could move the arm without waking Sebastian, but he doesn’t want to. It’s not uncomfortable, and he doesn’t exactly have anywhere to be. 

It doesn’t take long for Sebastian to wake up, though. It’s like he can sense that Kurt’s awake. 

“Mm, mornin’,” he mumbles, and his rough voice sends pleasure thrills down Kurt’s spine. “Wasn’t just one of those really good dreams, then.” He stretches like a cat, arching up from the mattress and then slumping down again, before leaning over to press a kiss on Kurt’s shoulder. “You sleep okay?” 

Kurt nods, shifting to his side so that he’s facing Sebastian. “Yeah. You didn’t crush me.” 

“Good.” Sebastian reaches behind himself for his phone, squinting at the bright display in the dim light of the room. “You want breakfast?” 

“Can I shower first?” 

“Yeah, of course.” 

They don’t actually get up for another few minutes, taking the time to soak in each other’s presence. Sunlight is filtering in through the blinds, making patterns on the floor and the bed. It’s idyllic, really, until Sebastian’s stomach growls loudly. 

“I’m sorry,” he laughs, covering his face with his arm. “I’m hungry.” 

“Yeah, I heard,” Kurt replies with a smirk. “Guess I should go shower then, huh?” 

“Mm. There are towels under the sink.” 

“Okay.” 

Kurt brushes his teeth and showers, making as quick work of everything as he can. He expects Sebastian to be downstairs already when he exits, but his boyfriend is still in bed. 

“I need a shower, too,” he says to Kurt’s unvoiced question and stands up. “You can go down, I won’t take long.” 

“Err,” Kurt says, because he’s really not up to facing Sebastian’s mother alone when it’s still kind of early in the morning. Especially not after spending the night in her son’s bed. 

“Don’t worry,” Sebastian says and leans in to press a quick kiss to Kurt’s mouth. “She’s at yoga. It’s just my dad.” 

Kurt breathes out. “Okay. I can deal with that.”

* * *

“What do you want to do? With your life?” 

It’s late afternoon and they’re at the old house again. They’re laying side by side on a blanket under the big oak tree by the lake and Sebastian’s just finished telling Kurt about the summer his grandfather taught him how to fish. 

“Wow, switching subjects, are we?” Sebastian laughs, squinting at Kurt above his sunglasses. 

Kurt just shrugs. He’s curious. 

“I want to work with advertising, I think,” Sebastian says, laying down again and letting his sunglasses slot into place. “Make people desperately need stuff they didn’t even knew they wanted, you know?” 

“For some reason, that doesn’t surprise me at all.” 

“Har-har. I got...” Sebastian glances at Kurt and cuts himself off. “Nevermind.” 

“What?” 

“No, forget it.” 

Kurt eyes him warily, but decides to let it go. “Okay. And more? Where do you want to live? What do you want to do?” 

It’s Sebastian’s turn to shrug. “I don’t know. I mean, I want to do something with this place, but you already know that. Live here a few weeks during the summer, then...I don’t know. New York? LA? Probably out of Ohio, at least.” 

“Travel?” 

“Mm, maybe. My grandparents live in France, but I’ll probably be tired of that after--a while. Asia, maybe? I wanna see Tokyo.” 

“Alone?” 

Sebastian turns to his side, facing Kurt. “Are you breaking up with me?” 

“No?” 

“Well then. You have anything against Tokyo?” 

“No?” 

“Okay. Good. What do you want?” 

Kurt sighs. “I...I honestly don’t know. I was dead set on NYADA, but now...I don’t know. I still want to go to New York, though. Sometime. And I want to go to Paris, but other than that I’m open.” He pauses. “You think we’ll still be together by then?” 

“When? When you go to Paris? I don’t--” Sebastian sits up and takes off his sunglasses. “Look, I know we’ve only been together for like...barely two months, but--” He looks out over the lake, chewing his lip. “When I think about doing those things, I think about doing them with you. And maybe I’m naive or--Fuck, I don’t know, I’ve never been--I’ve never felt like this before, I’ve never _been_ with someone like this, but it, _this_ , feels real. Or whatever. I just--I want to do those things with you, Kurt. So yeah, I hope we’ll still be together by then.” He finally looks at Kurt then, nervous about his reaction, but Kurt’s only reply is to surge up and grab hold of Sebastian’s neck and kiss him deeply. 

“I--I want that, too,” he says breathlessly when they break apart. “I want that, too.” 

Sebastian smiles against his mouth and lowers them until Kurt is on his back again and Sebastian is leaning over him. “Good,” he says, eventually. “Glad we’re on the same page.” He presses his whole body against Kurt’s, and suddenly Kurt has a pretty clear idea of where this is going. 

“I’m not having sex outside,” he says, but he doesn’t even sound convincing to his own ears and he can’t deny the thrill of excitement that runs through him at the thought. 

“Okay,” Sebastian agrees, humoring him as he moves to press kisses to Kurt’s neck. His cock is hardening against Kurt’s and of all the kinks to choose from, Kurt would not have put exhibitionism high on his own list, but you live and learn, apparently. 

“Seriously, anyone can--” he cuts himself off when Sebastian sucks on one of the sensitive spots on his clavicle, the spot that always gets him and Sebastian _knows_ that, the _jerk_. 

“Anyone can what?” 

“--See us, _oh my god_ ,” Kurt finishes with a gasp, arching up when Sebastian _bites down_ jesus christ. 

“No one comes here,” Sebastian murmurs, licking over the bruise quickly forming on Kurt’s skin. “Have you ever seen anyone here besides us?” 

“No, but that--hngh--that doesn’t mean they _can’t_ come here,” Kurt tries to argue, but he’s tangling his fingers in Sebastian’s hair to keep him where he is, so he’s not exactly making a point. 

“I can stop,” Sebastian says, starting to move away, but Kurt grips his head to force him down again, and thrusts his hips up against Sebastian’s. 

“I didn’t say that.” He’s not sure he’ll ever be saying that. They’ve only been going at it for a couple of weeks, but it’s way better than Kurt ever would’ve expected. It’s addicting, all of it, from Sebastian’s moans and gasps in Kurt’s ear to his mouth around Kurt’s cock--he can’t get enough, _they_ can’t get enough, and they haven’t even gone all the way yet. He feels Sebastian’s fingers on the waistband of his pants and relaxes his grip on Sebastian’s head, to give him a chance to actually see what he’s doing. Sebastian immediately takes the opportunity to sit up and back down until he’s straddling Kurt’s legs, his eyes fixed on where he’s unbuttoning Kurt’s pants. 

“I could charge people who happen to come by,” Sebastian says, pulling Kurt’s pants down a little and rubbing his thumbs over Kurt’s hip bones. “And they would gladly pay to see you naked.” 

Kurt feels himself blush at the compliment, and puts his arm over his face so he doesn’t have to look Sebastian in the eye and see the honesty behind it. 

“Not that I would let them,” Sebastian continues. “I don’t actually want people watching us.” He pats Kurt’s hip to get him to lift his ass and then pulls down the pants. Not much, just enough to give him easy access, making it easier to put his mouth on Kurt's cock through the underwear. 

“Fucking hell,” Kurt hisses, arm flying off his face to come down and tangle his fingers in Sebastian’s hair again. 

“This really turns you on,” Sebastian murmurs, amused, sucking the tip and making Kurt groan. 

“Yeah, or it _could_ have something to do with the fact that I have a really hot guy between my legs with his mouth on my--” Kurt breaks off, because despite all, he can’t bring himself to say it. 

“On your cock,” Sebastian finishes for him, still really amused. 

“Just get on with it, we don’t _actually_ have all the time in the world.” 

In lieu of a reply, Sebastian just yanks down Kurt’s briefs and licks up his cock, effectively shutting him up. Kurt throws his head back on the blanket, and it really _hits_ him that Sebastian’s blowing him _outside_. It’s a deserted house, sure, but technically anyone could walk in on them. He feels his cock jerk in the wet heat of Sebastian’s mouth. Sebastian wasn’t wrong, this is a turn-on for Kurt. 

“Come on,” he urges, tugging on Sebastian’s hair. “Please, just--” 

Sebastian hums something, the vibrations amplifying around Kurt’s sensitive skin and holy-- He just wants to come, _needs_ to come, he wants to blow Sebastian back, wants him to experience this thrill, too. “Sebastian, please, come on--” He both sees and feels Sebastian smile around him and how does _every little thing_ turn Kurt on? 

“Are you close?” Sebastian asks, pulling away and grasping Kurt’s cock to jerk him off. 

“ _Yes_ , jesus, just--” 

“You’re gonna come? Right here? Outside, where _anyone can walk in on us_.” His voice is low and raspy and-- _surprise_ \--arousing. The talking and the implications really do it for Kurt, too, and he comes hard, gasping and arching up into Sebastian’s grip, his cock twitching and spurting between Sebastian’s fingers. “Yeah, babe, come on,” Sebastian urges, milking the last out of him and sitting back on his heels when Kurt slumps down, panting. 

“C’me here,” Kurt says, making grabby hands while he’s still trying to catch his breath. Sebastian leans over him to kiss him, but he’s already unbuttoning his own pants. 

“You are so fucking hot,” he murmurs against Kurt’s lips, and Kurt can feel the jerky movements of Sebastian’s hand on his own cock, and Kurt wants to help; wants to grab him and crawl down and suck him off, but his limbs feel like led and it’s all he can to to lie there and kiss Sebastian back. 

“Don’t you dare come on my shirt,” he whispers when he realizes that’s an actual risk, and Sebastian comes, laughing against Kurt’s lips, his come splattering on Kurt’s stomach, but manages to avoid his shirt. 

“I didn’t,” he breathes out triumphantly when he’s done coming, capturing Kurt in another kiss. 

“Good for you,” Kurt says, finally finding enough energy to reach up and slide his arms around Sebastian’s neck. It doesn’t last long, though, Sebastian pulling back almost immediately to sit up and look down at his hand with a wince. 

“I’m messy.” 

Kurt glances down between them. “Yeah, me too.” Sebastian looks at Kurt and then at the lake, and then he lights up. He wipes his hand on the grass beside the blanket and pulls off his shirt, then stands up to drag his underwear and his shorts down the rest of the way in one go. 

“Come on,” he says, backing away from Kurt and towards the lake, completely naked in the afternoon sun. 

“What?!” Kurt squeaks, sitting up to stare at him. “Sebastian, what are you doing?” 

“Cleaning up.” He’s still backing towards the dock, glancing behind him every few steps so he doesn’t trip and stumble. “You should, too.” 

“I don’t have my swim shorts!” 

Sebastian stops then and gives him a really unimpressed look. “Do I _look_ like I want you to wear swim shorts?” 

“But--” Kurt stops when he realizes that all of his arguments against skinny dipping falls short when he just received a _blowjob_ outside. If he goes into the lake, he will at least be covered by water if anyone should show up. “If anyone shows up, I’m gonna kill you!” he shouts at Sebastian, even as he sits up and pulls off his shirt, then drags off his pants. 

“Looking forward to it!” Sebastian calls back, turning around to walk face first onto the dock. 

Kurt feels uncomfortably exposed where he’s standing completely naked with drying come on his stomach, so he walks fast down the grass to the dock. Sebastian jumps in the water without waiting for him, and he submerges just when Kurt reaches the end of the dock. 

“Hi, gorgeous,” Sebastian says, smiling brightly up at Kurt. “You wanna join me?” 

“Is it cold?” Kurt has his arms crossed over his chest in a really vain attempt to cover up himself a little. He should just get the fuck into the water already. 

“Not worse than the other day,” Sebastian replies, treading water and not at all hiding how much he appreciates his view. Kurt takes a deep breath and jumps in, and nearly chokes on water with the shock of how _freezing_ it is. 

“You liar!” he splutters when he gets his head over water again. He glares at Sebastian, who’s still just grinning back at him. “It’s freezing, you liar.” 

“If I’d told you the truth, you wouldn’t have gotten in,” Sebastian says, taking a few strokes to get over to Kurt. “And then I wouldn’t have been able to do this.” He leans in and kisses Kurt. It’s soft and wet and a little awkward given their lack of grounding, but it’s still kissing, it’s still _nice_. They can’t press their bodies against each other since they need to keep their legs moving, but just knowing that Sebastian is completely naked only a couple of inches away is thrilling all on its own and makes Kurt’s cock twitch between his legs. 

“True,” Kurt agrees when they break apart. “But how do you plan on proceeding from here? We don’t have any towels.” 

“Uh...You can--” 

“Oh, don’t worry about me, I’ll take the blanket,” Kurt interrupts with a sweet smile. “Worry about yourself.” He swims over to the ladder before Sebastian can react and intercept, and climbs up with all the grace he can muster. 

“Hey!” Sebastian calls after him, swimming towards the ladder. Kurt is already rushing up the dock and over the grass, yanking up the blanket and wrapping it around himself. It's not exactly sanitary, but it could be worse, and at least it's cotton, not fleece. Sebastian comes up beside Kurt and glares at him. 

“You could share,” he mutters. Kurt eyes him appreciatively. Sebastian has his arms crossed over his chest and he's shivering from the cool air on his wet skin. He's still naked, and it's still a pretty sight, but Kurt finally takes pity on him. 

“Come here,” he sighs, lifting up one end of the blanket and exposing himself completely. Sebastian hurries to get close to him, basically wraps his naked limbs around Kurt and buries his face in Kurt's neck when he wraps the blanket around the both of them. “If you get hard now it will completely defeat the purpose of why we got naked and wet,” Kurt warns when he feels Sebastian try to press himself even closer. 

“But I like you naked and wet. It's one of my favorite yous,” Sebastian says, pressing a soft kiss to Kurt's lips. 

“I'm not going in the water again.” Kurt can't deny that having a naked Sebastian pressed against his own equally naked body is thrilling, and any other time he would be up for a repeat performance, but right now he's honestly too cold to get hard. They stand like that for another few minutes, more to be close than to actually get dry and warm, until Sebastian braces himself and grabs his clothes, hurries to put them on, and then helps Kurt with his. 

“We should do this again,” Sebastian says later when they're sitting on the porch steps, wrapped in new blankets and with bowls of pasta in their laps. 

“Yes,” Kurt says immediately, then, “wait, which part?” 

Sebastian laughs and kisses his shoulder. “All of it. Well, maybe plan the swimming part a little better, but I really enjoyed it.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

Kurt rolls his eyes but smiles as he turns back to his food. The sun is setting, casting a warm glow over them and their surroundings, and Kurt can’t recall ever being this happy. He should ask about what’s going to happen in September. He should, but he doesn’t want to, doesn’t want to ruin the moment, doesn’t want to ruin this thing they have. Sebastian wants them to be together and Kurt wants that, too, but he has no idea where Sebastian is going this fall, or what he’s doing. He barely even knows what he’ll do himself. They should talk about it, so they can make plans. 

Kurt just can’t bring himself to do it. 

* * *

Sebastian seems to be having similar thoughts, though. Over the next few days, Kurt catches him trying to say something but cutting himself off several times, and when Kurt tries to ask questions, Sebastian just tells him to drop it. 

Then there’s another barbeque, a smaller one this time, and everything just kind of comes to an end. There are few enough people that they’re all gathered around the big garden table, and there’s a lull in the conversation between Kurt and Sebastian just as one of the neighbours turns to Mrs Smythe and asks, “so, when are you leaving?” 

“Next Monday,” she replies, and Sebastian’s head shoots up. 

“What? Next Monday? But you said--” 

She waves him off. “Yes, I know, but I rearranged some things so we could leave earlier.” 

“Where are you going?” Kurt asks, confused by Sebastian’s apparent distress at these news. 

“Oh, didn’t Sebastian tell you?” Mrs Smythe asks, her expression a perfect display of faked surprise. 

“Mom--,” Sebastian tries, but she ignores him. 

“We’re moving to France. Sebastian got into Estienne. He really didn’t tell you?” Her perfectly manicured eyebrows are too high up in her perfectly maintained hair. Kurt knows she doesn’t like him, but this is--this is low. He has to physically shake himself to stop staring at her, and he can’t even look at her. The rest of the table is dead silent. 

“Excuse me,” Kurt says, scooting away from the table and dropping his napkin on his plate. “I have to--” He walks away without finishing the sentence, ignoring the way Sebastian calls after him. 

He walks through the house and out on the front porch, slumping down on the stairs. He wants to go away, wants to drive home, but he doesn’t know the neighborhood and he doesn’t trust himself in a car right now. 

Sebastian is moving to France. Sebastian is _moving to France_ and he hasn’t said _anything_ about it during the three months they’ve spent together. Three months is basically nothing, Kurt _knows_ that, but he honestly thought they had something. Apparently not. 

He hears when Sebastian comes after him, his hurried steps across the floor and then the creaking of the floorboards on the porch. 

“Kurt, I--” 

“Don’t,” Kurt cuts him off. He can’t listen to Sebastian right now, he just can’t. “Don’t talk.” 

Sebastian sits down beside him, hesitantly, and Kurt whips his head around to glare at him. “You’re moving to France. To _France_ , and you didn’t think to tell me? Am I actually worth nothing to you?” Kurt wants to scream, but he knows his voice will carry through and around the house to the back, so he’s doing his best to keep it at a low hiss. “All those--plans, everything, was it all just a lie?” His gaze is aimed at Sebastian, but he can’t look him in the eye, can’t see whatever it is Sebastian is feeling, because no matter what, it’s nowhere near the betrayal and hurt Kurt is feeling. Years of trying to keep it together during bullying at school is the only thing that’s keeping him from crying right now. 

“What were you gonna do? Just leave and not tell me? Just--dump me like a stray summer cat? Am I just your cheap summer fling?” Damn it, he’s choking up. He turns his gaze back to the ground and puts his hands over his face, pressing his palms into his eyes to stop the tears. 

_Don’t cry_. 

_Don’t cry_. 

_Don’t cry_. 

_Don’t let him see how much this affects you, don’t_ \--it’s a lost battle before it’s even started. “I’ve never done this before,” Kurt says, his voice thick. “I’ve never kissed a guy, I’ve never--gone further. With anyone. You knew that. You _knew that_ and you still--,” he breaks off in a sob. He can feel Sebastian’s distress next to him, but he really doesn’t care. 

He doesn’t regret doing everything with Sebastian. The moments have been perfect, and if he got to do it again he totally would, but it still hurts more than he ever could have imagined to be reduced to...this. 

“Kurt, come on,” Sebastian tries. “You know it wasn’t--” 

“Do I? Do I know that? I didn’t know you’re _moving to another continent_ , and that’s a pretty big deal in a relationship. How can you expect me to believe anything else you’ve said?” 

“I’m sorry. I thought--we weren’t supposed to go for another _month_ , I thought I’d have time to tell you.” 

“I’m _guessing_ you didn’t find out about this yesterday,” Kurt spits out. He still can’t look Sebastian in the eye. 

“No, but--Kurt, you made me promise not to talk about college, at all. What was I supposed to do?” 

“What the--are you _actually stupid_?!” Kurt threads his fingers through his hair and tugs, trying to focus on anything else than the rage bubbling up inside of him. “I complain about not getting into my dream school and you just _assume_ that I don’t want to know you’re leaving at the end of the summer?” 

“But--” 

“YES! Yes, I understand that you wouldn’t have stayed here anyway, but it’s a pretty big difference between cross-country and transatlantic! Time difference, for one! Also, the fact that your mother _hates me_! Even if _you_ for some reason would’ve wanted me to come visit you--which you obviously don’t since you didn’t even tell me--I wouldn’t have been able to stay with you.” 

“She doesn’t--,” Sebastian tries to protest, but Kurt shoots up to his feet and points through the house. 

“She _knew_ you hadn’t told me,” he hisses. “She probably knew you _wouldn’t_ tell me, and she said it just because she knew it would make me upset and mad with you. This is the exact reaction she was going for. I’m guessing she’ll sleep really well tonight.” He steps down to the ground. “I hope you do, too, when you don’t have to worry about seeing me anymore.” Then he turns around and walks down the walkway, head held high and ignoring Sebastian’s calls after him. His bag is upstairs but he doesn’t care, his keys and his phone are in his pockets and his wallet is still in his car; he can’t bring himself to care about a few pieces of clothing right now. 

He texts his dad that he’s coming home, and then he sits in the car for a few minutes until he trusts himself to drive. When he turns the key, the music starts blaring, and he can’t shut it off fast enough. It’s one of Sebastian’s mix CDs, and Kurt is pretty sure the glare he sends the stereo would’ve made any human run for their life. 

The drive home feels insanely long and not long enough at the same time. He just wants to get home and go to bed and _sleep_ and try to forget about this, try to forget about this summer, try to forget what a fucking failure he is at _life_. At the same time, though, when he gets home, it will actually be over. 

There’s a flickering light in the living room when he gets home, meaning his dad is still up. Kurt kills the engine and takes a few deep breaths before getting out. 

“Hey,” he says when he closes the front door. His dad is leaning back over the edge of the couch. 

“Hey. Are you all right? I thought you were staying over at Sebastian’s?” 

Kurt sighs. “Yeah. So did I. Apparently he’s moving to France.” 

Burt sits up straight at that to look at Kurt properly. “He’s _what_?” 

Kurt looks at the TV behind his dad where a rerun of CSI is muted. “He’s moving to France. Next Monday. He hasn’t told me. So I’m just--” he nods towards the stairs. “Can we talk about this tomorrow?” 

“Okay,” his dad says, but he doesn’t sound like he means it. “It’ll be okay, Kurt.” 

Kurt gives him a weak attempt of a smile. “I hope so.”


	4. First Summer, part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to christine for really quick beta work ♥

When Kurt wakes up, it takes him a few blissful moments to remember what happened last night. When he does, he moans and buries his head in his pillow. He doesn’t want to wake up. He doesn’t want to face a day when he’s no longer allowed to be excited about Sebastian’s existence; not yet. 

He reaches for his phone, and as predicted, he has a couple of missed calls and a few texts from Sebastian. He doesn’t read them, just sends a _No_ , closes the conversation, and throws the phone down his bed. It’s a little before ten and he has to be at work by three. Five hours is not enough time to go back to sleep, but it’s still too much time to think. 

He ends up in front of his computer, mindlessly browsing through craigs list entries tagged with ‘New York’. It’s about everything from apartments for rent, to babysitters needed, and Kurt finds himself getting more and more willing to do just about _anything_ to get away from here. Get away from this town, away from this life, away from himself as the person he is here. 

When his phone bleeps, telling him it’s time to get to work, he’s jerked out of his downward spiral. He closes the browser without saving any of the twenty-seven tabs and shuts his computer off. He won’t be going anywhere but to the Lima Bean for the foreseeable future. He might as well accept the fact and just deal with it. 

* * *

Kurt doesn’t know if he really looks that miserable, or if his co-workers are just that nice, but when he gets into work and asks them to warn him if Sebastian comes in, they don’t question it. Two hours into his shift he’s standing with his back to the door, when Lisa suddenly pokes him in the side and hisses “ _Backroom, now_ ” in his ear. He doesn’t even question it, just gracefully disappears into the backroom as if that had been his intention the whole time, and he sends a silent thanks to Lisa when he hears Sebastian’s voice drifting through the open door. 

“Hi, is Kurt here?” Sebastian asks, even though he must have seen Kurt disappearing. 

“He’s busy,” Lisa answers, snappier than Kurt has ever heard her. “Can I take your order?” 

“Could you ask him if he—” 

“Kurt is _busy_. May I _take your order_?” 

Kurt doesn’t need to see Sebastian to know that his gaze is flickering between Lisa and the wall Kurt is hiding behind. Kurt wants to see him, wants to go out and take a look and see if Sebastian is hurting just as badly as Kurt is, but he can’t. He’s afraid he’ll see that Sebastian _isn’t_ , so he stays where he is, leaning against the wall, waiting while Lisa takes Sebastian’s order and makes it for him. He hears the door open and close, but not until she calls out “He’s gone” does he walk back out. 

“Thank you,” he says as he resumes his place by the counter. Lisa gives him a quick shoulder-squeeze and a reassuring smile. 

“Anytime.”

* * *

Sebastian doesn't come to the Lima Bean at all on Saturday, and by the time Sunday afternoon rolls around, Kurt is torn. He’s relieved that he hasn’t had to see Sebastian, but at the same time he can’t help being disappointed at Sebastian’s obvious lack of interest. If he really likes Kurt as much as he’d said, he could’ve tried a little harder. Kurt is contradicting himself, he knows, because Sebastian _has_ tried to call him, several times, and sent him multiple texts, which have all been ignored. He has tried, and Kurt has ignored him, but it still feels too easy. It enforces Kurt’s thoughts about this just being a fun temporary thing for Sebastian, that he never meant any part of what he said by the lake a few weeks ago. 

When Kurt gets home from work, he heads straight up to his room and opens his closet. He spent last night at Rachel’s, curled up in her bed with her laptop between them, going through craigslist once again. Kurt needs to do _something_ , needs to get away from here, and he and Rachel have a tentative plan going on now. One thing that’s definitely clear is that he can’t possibly take all of his clothes with him to New York, so he might as well start to sort out his closet. 

He’s just reaching out to grab the first shirt, when the doorbell rings, and he hears his dad wander out to get it. Kurt stills with his hand on the fabric and tries to make something out of the muffled voices, but he gets nothing. Then his dad yells “Kurt! It’s for you!” and Kurt knows his dad’s different voices enough to realize that it’s Sebastian at the door. He’s instantly filled with equal parts dread and anticipation and he abandons his clothes in favor of looking over himself in the mirror. He’s still wearing his work clothes and he hasn’t showered, but Sebastian has seen him looking worse than this, so it doesn’t matter. Probably. 

Kurt takes his time, doesn’t hurry to get out of his room or down the stairs. It’s comforting that Sebastian is here, because this is Kurt’s safe place, he has the upper hand here and can tell Sebastian to leave if it gets to be too much. 

His dad gives him a questioning look when he gets down the stairs. Kurt gives him a half-shrug and a nod, and his dad gives him a short nod back before going back into the living room. Kurt shoves his hands deep down in his pockets and walks around the corner to the hall. Sebastian is standing with his back to the open door, arms crossed over his chest and staring intently at his shoes. He looks up when he hears Kurt’s soft footsteps. 

“Hey,” he says, his voice a bit off. Kurt doesn’t say anything, just stops at the threshold and looks at him. Sebastian meets his gaze for a second, then looks away. “Look, I know you don’t want to talk to me, but I just—need to explain, please.” 

Kurt feels his dad’s presence in the living room and knows that he’s probably straining to hear the conversation. 

“Come on, let’s—” He steps forward and Sebastian steps back, out on the porch. Kurt closes the door behind them and leans back against it, looking at Sebastian expectantly. He doesn’t particularly want to hear whatever excuse Sebastian is about to make up, but he needs to get some kind of closure. 

Sebastian leans back against one of the pillars and sighs. “We weren’t supposed to leave for another month. I know I should’ve told you earlier, but I just—I didn’t want to ruin what we had.” 

“As opposed to now, you mean?” Kurt can’t help but cut in. Sebastian shoots him a glare to compete with Kurt’s own, so he just presses his lips together and waits. 

“ _I know_ I should have told you earlier,” Sebastian repeats. “Like, on our first date. Or something like that. But I didn’t, and then you—I knew you’d be upset, and I just wanted to spend as much time with you as possible. Shitty of me, I know, but—I was honest when we talked about the future. I want to do those things with you. I want you to visit me over there, I want all of those things.” 

Sebastian drags a hand over his face and sits down on the stairs. “I was planning to tell you in a better way. It involved these.” He pulls an envelope from the front pocket of his hoodie and hands it to Kurt. 

It’s a plain, white envelope, and Kurt opens it reluctantly. He pulls out a few sheets of paper and unfolds them, his eyes widening as he reads. 

“Sebastian, this is—” 

It’s a printout from Sebastian’s Gmail account, a reservation for a Kurt Hummel on a flight to Paris in two months. It’s dated three weeks ago. 

“It’s presumptuous, I know, but it’s changeable, and you haven’t said anything about new plans for fall, so...” Sebastian trails off and looks down at his knees. “I really meant to tell you.” 

“This is—I can’t—” Kurt stutters, still staring at the papers as if i can’t believe they’re real. 

Sebastian shrugs. “My parents are loaded, you know that. It’s not—I want you to visit. And now I sure as fuck don’t care what they’ll say, not after what mom did.” 

Kurt folds up the papers back in the envelope and hands it back to Sebastian. “Can you—I believe you, but...Can I get some time? To think?” 

Sebastian stuffs the envelope back in his pocket and stands up. “Sure. Sure I’ll just—” He doesn’t meet Kurt’s eyes, barely looks in his direction. “Whatever. I’ll just—go home.” He turns around and walks down the stairs, without looking back. 

“Sebastian!” Kurt calls out after him. Sebastian stops and spins on the spot and throws his arms out. 

“What?” he says, and he sounds choked up. Kurt wants to go after him and hug him, but he really needs to sort out his own thoughts. He believes that Sebastian is sincere, the email was pretty convincing, but he still needs to deal with the thought of possibly being in a relationship with someone across the Atlantic. He can’t rush into this, he has to take his time, for his own sake and for Sebastian’s. “What do you want me to do?” Sebastian continues, jerking Kurt out of his thoughts. “You want me to sit on your porch while you decide if I’m good enough for you? I’ve explained, and apologized, and if you can’t accept it—that’s on you.” 

He turns again and walks away before Kurt has a chance to say anything. He stays on the porch, watching Sebastian drive away, and not until the sound of the engine has completely faded does he go inside again. 

* * *

Kurt spends the rest of the night locked up in his room, sorting his clothes with a system almost bordering on obsessive, and thinking. 

Does he want to be in a transatlantic long-distance relationship? Is it worth it? Will it be worth the tears and the aching longing, the insane phone bills and missed sleep due to late night skype sessions? 

Probably. Kurt feels like he’s insane for even considering it; he’s only known Sebastian for three months and they’ve spent so much time together, it’s hard to imagine how they’ll work out when they’ll only see each other a few times a year at the very most. But, at the same time, he really wants to give this a shot. He’s never felt this way about anyone before. Not that he’s had any chance before, but he wants to give this a try. He feels like he owes it, to both himself and Sebastian. If it doesn’t work out, at least they’ll never have to see each other again. 

The realization hits Kurt hard and he sits down at the edge of the bed, holding an old sweater in his arms. He's actually going to try and do this. If Sebastian still wants to, they're going to try a transatlantic long-distance relationship. 

This was not how Kurt imagined his summer to end. 

* * *

Kurt gives it a few more days to really think it over and let it sink in, but Wednesday night, when he’s spent all day at work zoning out, he realizes that his feelings aren’t going away. Sebastian is, though, and if Kurt wants to do this, he needs to do something about it now. 

He can barely sit still during dinner, and as soon as they’re done, he says “I’m going over to Sebastian’s,” grabs his car keys, and is out the door before his father or Carole have a chance to reply. 

Kurt has no idea what he’s going to say to Sebastian, but the thought of losing him, like this, without even trying, makes Kurt dizzy. It’s been cloudy all day and the sky keeps getting darker in a way that has nothing to do with nightfall the closer Kurt gets to Sebastian’s house. Kurt recognizes it in a distant sort of way, but he doesn’t realize what it means until he turns onto Sebastian’s street and the rain starts to splatter on his windshield. He parks on the street and looks up at the house. Sebastian is on the porch with a book in his lap, but his eyes are focused on Kurt. In just a few seconds, the rain goes from dripping to downright pouring, and when Kurt steps out of the car, he's soaked before he even locks it up. 

Sebastian is standing when Kurt makes it up the walkway and Kurt stops about halfway to the porch, not wanting to get closer to Sebastian before he knows what he’ll say. 

“Hi,” Kurt says, squinting up at Sebastian through the rain. He knows he should be freezing, but he’s too nervous to register the cold. 

“Hi,” Sebastian replies, arms crossed over his chest and sounding wary. 

“I, uh—” Kurt really hasn’t thought this through, at all. He sighs, takes a deep breath. “I want this, too. Us. I—believe you. And I understand why you didn’t—why you didn’t want to say something. I don’t think I would’ve, either.” He stares at Sebastian’s clavicle as he talks, can’t look him in the face, but when he’s done, he aims his gaze a bit higher. “And...I think I’m in love with you,” he adds, looking Sebastian in the eye this time. 

“You think?” Sebastian echoes, but there’s no malice in his voice. 

“Yes. And I—I want to be in a fucking long-distance relationship with you, Sebastian, can you—” Kurt doesn’t get to finish his sentence, Sebastian is down the stairs and in front of him in seconds and then they’re kissing. 

It’s still raining, and Kurt is pretty sure his phone won’t survive this, but Sebastian’s lips are warm against his and how is he supposed to care about anything but that? 

“It’s gonna be really shitty most of the time,” Sebastian says when they finally break apart. He’s soaked now, too, raindrops streaming down his face. “With time zones, and someone forgetting to call, and not being able to touch each other, and—” 

“I know, shut up,” Kurt says, pulling him in for another kiss. “I know, but—It’s worth a try, isn’t it?” 

Sebastian smiles a thim. “Hell yes, it is.” 

They lose themselves in kissing, don’t break apart again until someone clears their throat up on the porch. Sebastian spins around and sees his father standing there with a bemused smile. 

“While I’m sure we all appreciate the dramatic flare of this, you _will_ catch a cold if you stay out much longer,” he says, trying hard to sound serious. 

“Uhm, yeah...” Sebastian turns to Kurt. “You wanna come in? You can borrow something so you won’t have to drive home like that. Or you could, I mean—” 

“I’m heading over to Nick’s,” Sebastian’s dad interrupts, nodding towards a house further down the street. Kurt realizes now that he has an umbrella in one hand. “We’re gonna watch the game. I’ll probably be away for at least a few hours. And your mother doesn’t come home until tomorrow.” He opens the umbrella and steps down on the walkway. “Good to see you, Kurt,” he says as he passes them. 

Kurt and Sebastian both stare after him as he walks down the street. 

“Did your dad just tell us we could—” 

“Finish that sentence, and I’ll never speak to you again,” Sebastian cuts him off with a strained voice. Kurt laughs and tangles his fingers with Sebastian’s, then turns them around towards the house. 

“If it helps, I like his idea.” 

“Noted, but it doesn’t.” 

When they step up on the porch and the roof protects them from the rain, Kurt is instantly hit with the realization of how cold he is. His clothes are sticking to his skin and water is trickling from his hair, down his neck and into the collar of his shirt. He presses his lips together to keep his teeth from rattling and keeps silent during the walk to Sebastian’s bedroom. When they’re both in dry clothes, Sebastian grabs Kurt’s arm and pulls him close, hugging him. 

“That was probably not the best idea,” Sebastian says after a while. 

“No,” Kurt agrees, snuggling closer and burrowing his face in the soft fabric of Sebastian’s hoodie. “I’d do it again, though,” he adds. 

“Well, good. I'd want you to do it again.” 

“Yeah, who wouldn't want a soaking wet boy standing in front of their house telling them they love you every day,” Kurt deadpans, but Sebastian stiffens in his arms. Kurt steps back. “What?” 

“Nothing. Just—I love you, too.” 

“Good.” Kurt leans in to kiss him again, and it quickly turns heated. 

“Why did we get dressed?” Sebastian asks, tugging on Kurt’s shirt. 

“Something with ‘wet’ and ‘cold’ I think,” Kurt murmurs back, reluctant to let go of Sebastian’s mouth even to pull their shirts over their heads. 

“Doesn’t make sense, you’re hot,” Sebastian says between kisses. Kurt groans and rolls his eyes, and the movement lets Sebastian push him backwards onto the bed. “Come on,” he says, sliding his hands in under the waistband of the pajama pants Kurt has borrowed. Kurt lifts his hips to help him, then does the same to Sebastian, leaving them both in their underwear. 

It only takes a few minutes of kissing and roaming hands to get them both hard and panting. Sebastian presses down, his cock sliding against Kurt’s through the cotton, and Kurt arches up against him. They’re in Sebastian’s bed, and they’re alone for a few more hours, and Sebastian is leaving on Monday. A surge of heat goes through Kurt as he realizes exactly what he wants to do before Sebastian leaves and his cock twitches at the thought, making Sebastian groan where he has his mouth pressed against the soft skin of Kurt’s neck. 

Kurt grabs the back of Sebastian’s head and guides him up until their lips meet again. “Fuck me,” he breathes out against Sebastian’s mouth. Sebastian stills, but Kurt can feel his cock pulse against Kurt’s. 

“Are you—?” He starts to ask, but Kurt slides his hands down and grabs Sebastian’s ass and presses him closer in an imitation of a thrust, effectively shutting him up. 

“Yes,” he says, and sticks his hands inside of Sebastian’s underwear so he can drag his nails over his skin. “I’m sure.” 

“Okay. Okay, I’ll just—” He reaches over to open the drawer in the bedside table, pulling out lube and condoms. “Fuck, Kurt—” 

“Yes, exactly. Come on, off,” Kurt says, tugging on Sebastian's boxers. Sebastian helps him to get them off, then pulls off Kurt's, and then they're both gloriously naked and achingly hard. Sebastian starts to move down the bed, but Kurt stops him with a hand on his shoulder. “Could you—I'm...pretty close, already, so...” He feels his cheeks heat up with embarrassment, but Sebastian doesn't laugh at him, just lies down on top of him instead and kisses him again. 

Kurt hears the snap of the lube bottle lid, and a few seconds later, Sebastian is trailing cool, sticky fingers against his hole. 

“Like this?” Sebastian asks, his breath ghosting over Kurt's skin. 

“Uh-huh,” Kurt nods, swallowing hard when Sebastian presses the first fingertip in. 

It’s—good. Kurt has experimented on his own, especially since he started dating Sebastian, but this is so much better than doing it alone. Sebastian quickly works it up to two fingers and he’s panting heavily against Kurt’s neck. Kurt roams his hands over Sebastian’s body, feels the strain in his arm where he’s keeping himself hovering over Kurt and _god_ , he’s so turned on by the whole situation. 

“More,” he pleads when the pain has lessened and there’s just slick hot _pressure_. Sebastian opens his mouth, presumably to ask Kurt if he’s sure, but Kurt grabs his head and kisses him hard to stop him. “You need to fuck me before I come,” he says, and he feels more than sees Sebastian swallow and nod. Then he eases in another finger next to the other two, and Kurt moans, loudly. “Come on, Sebastian.” 

“Okay, I’ll just—” Sebastian sits back on his heels and Kurt shivers when he doesn’t have a warm body hovering over him anymore. He watches Sebastian reach for a condom and put it on, slick himself up, and then Sebastian meets his eyes for a second. He raises his eyebrows in a silent question and Kurt nods, too turned on and excited and nervous to be able to come up with a witty reply to such a redundant question. 

There’s blunt pressure, and Kurt forces himself to relax, takes a deep breath and watches Sebastian concentrate as he slowly presses inside. 

“ _God_ ,” Sebastian breathes out when he’s finally inside. He reaches up to swipe his hair out of his face but can’t tear his gaze away from where they’re joined. Kurt is finding it surprisingly hot to watch just how hot _Sebastian_ thinks this is, and his cock is aching so much now that he _has_ to touch it. He reaches down to grab himself, and he can see how Sebastian immediately refocuses, and then closes his eyes and groans. 

“Kurt, you can’t,” he says, sounding tense with the strain it is to keep still. His hands are on Kurt’s thighs, keeping them apart, and his nails are digging into Kurt’s skin. 

“Move,” Kurt says, finally feeling ready and needing more. He puts his heels on Sebastian’s ass and presses, for emphasis. Sebastian catches on quickly, moving in and out with long, slow thrusts, despite Kurt pressing for more. “Come on,” he huffs impatiently. “Harder.” Sebastian’s eyes meet his, and he smirks, and _there’s_ the Sebastian that Kurt knows. He takes a better grip on Kurt’s thighs, presses them up and apart, thrusts in harder, and Kurt loses his breath for a second. 

“Jesus,” he groans, jerking his cock faster. “Fuck, Sebastian, right there, _god_ —” He clutches the sheets with his free hand and tries to arch his hips up to meet Sebastian’s thrusts, but he’s inexperienced and can’t match his rhythm, at all. It doesn’t really matter though, because after only a couple of more thrusts, Kurt feels the tell-tale sensation in his back, and he knows he’s close. Sebastian seems to notice, too, because he rearranges his grip on Kurt’s legs and then reaches down to grasp Kurt’s cock, jerking it with practiced moves. 

“Come on, Kurt,” he urges, working his hips the best he can. “Just let it go, come on my cock, come on—” 

And Kurt does. He squeezes his eyes shut and lets his orgasm rush over him in powerful waves, just going with it. He’s so lost in the sensation that he doesn’t notice the stuttering of Sebastian’s hips and his drawn-out groan until he slumps down on the bed beside Kurt, placing a sloppy kiss on his mouth. 

“I’m so glad we did that before I leave,” he says, sighing contentedly. 

“Okay...?” Kurt says, not really sure if he wants to hear the answer. 

“Jerk-off material for _months_ ,” Sebastian says, cuddling closer to Kurt and burrowing his face in Kurt’s neck. “I’m gonna need it.” 

Kurt can feel himself blush, even though he logically knows Sebastian jerks off. He most certainly appreciates being the source of Sebastian’s fantasies, but he still gets embarrassed to have it spelled out so bluntly. 

“Good for you, then,” he says, his voice a bit higher than normal. Sebastian kisses his neck and Kurt can feel his smile. 

“Yeah. Good for me.”

* * *

During Sebastian’s last days in the country, they spend all of their free time together. Their parents are not too happy about it, but Kurt and Sebastian really don’t care. Sebastian packs while Kurt’s at work, and then they spend as much time as possible doing as little as possible. Kurt still hasn’t told Sebastian about his New York plans, which makes him feel a bit like a hypocrite, but on the other hand it won’t exactly affect their relationship if Kurt’s in Ohio or New York. He’ll still be hours away from Sebastian. 

Kurt doesn’t come along to the airport. He doesn’t want to drive, and he doesn’t want to take a cab back home, so he says his goodbye to Sebastian at home. 

Sebastian’s dad isn’t moving for another few months, so the house is still almost fully furnished. It feels weird to lie in Sebastian’s bed, knowing that they’ll probably never return. The next time they’re together, it’ll be in Paris. They’re leaving for the airport around seven in the morning, and Kurt and Sebastian have been up all night, just laying in bed, talking. 

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” Kurt says when the sunlight starts to trickle in through the curtains. His throat is tight and he blinks furiously to avoid any tears. 

“I’m gonna miss you, too,” Sebastian replies, closing the couple of inches between them to kiss him. Kurt hasn’t let any tears fall, but there’s still wetness against his cheeks. 


	5. Interlude

The first few weeks are hard on them, but they get through it. Sebastian gets pissed about Kurt not telling him about New York, but after a couple of days of brooding and Kurt apologizing via text, Sebastian comes around. 

“I missed you,” he says, yawns, over Skype. “I don’t like not talking to you.” It’s late, way later than what’s good for Sebastian. Kurt had been surprised when he turned on his computer and got a skype call from him, and while he asked why, he didn’t complain. Sebastian had said something about revising, but even via webcam, his eyes tell a different story. 

“I don’t like not talking to you, either,” Kurt says, because he doesn’t. Sebastian is on the other side of the Atlantic, but at least with frequent texts it didn’t feel _quite_ that far. 

“So we agree that ‘not talking’ sucks,” Sebastian says, then yawns again. Kurt smiles at him. 

“Yes. And we also agree that you should go to bed. Sleep. I hear it’s good for you.” 

“Mm, don’t believe everything you hear,” Sebastian mumbles, rubbing his eyes. “I think you might be onto something here, though. I guess I should try it out.” 

“You should do that. Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight. I love you.” 

“I love you, too.”

* * *

They try skype sex, too, and they fail, miserably. It’s Kurt’s fault, but Sebastian--surprisingly--doesn’t bring it up again. Not until Kurt is in New York and makes a plan to _get_ Sebastian to bring it up again. 

He times it carefully on a day when he’s one hundred and ten percent sure Rachel will be out all day. He still hasn’t found a job, so he doesn’t have anywhere to be, and when Rachel slides the door shut, Kurt waits ten minutes before pushing the covers away and sliding a hand down his stomach. Sebastian will be online in about half an hour, which is enough time for Kurt to get properly worked up, and enough desperate that he won’t hesitate on cam. Hopefully. 

Kurt has his computer up and running on the floor while he, uhm, _entertains_ himself, and when he hears a call coming through, he just wipes his hand on the sheet and picks up the laptop. He answers the call and tries not to look at the miniature of his own cam on the screen. He knows he’s flushed and that his hair is messy, that’s kind of the point. 

“Hi,” he says. 

Sebastian stares back. “Did I...interrupt something?” he asks, sounding incredulous and maybe a little bit hopeful. 

“Maybe?” Kurt says, shifting on the bed. “If you want to?” 

“If I--Jesus fuck.” Sebastian hurries to pull his shirt over his head, then rearranges himself and the computer on the bed. “God, I love you,” he breathes out and starts to work on his pants. “Like, really, really love you.” 

“You only want me for my body,” Kurt jokes, but he feels a thrill of mixed excitement and arousal at the prospect of finally seeing Sebastian naked again, even if it’s just on screen. 

“I wondered when you’d find out,” Sebastian says, leaning back to take off his pants. He sits back up and palms his crotch and Kurt can actually see his cock growing bigger in his underwear, and thank god for technology. “Were you thinking about me?” Sebastian asks, and Kurt can practically _feel_ Sebastian’s eyes roam over his own body. 

“Yeah,” Kurt says, feeling his own arousal flaring up again. “Of course. What else would I be thinking of?” 

“No one, preferably,” Sebastian smirks. “I was just checking. So, wanna tell me more specifically?”

* * *

They fall into a rhythm, a routine that works for them, with texts and skype dates and skype sex dates and whatnot. It all works, until Kurt gets a job, and then it all goes to hell. 

Kurt loses his phone and by the time he realizes, all his accounts have been hijacked and _deleted_. His email, skype, his fucking _icloud account_. He has no way to contact Sebastian, and Sebastian has no way to contact him. Kurt doesn’t even remember Sebastian’s email address; it was something with double letters somewhere and Kurt can’t remember it. He’s lost. 

He’s hyped with nervous energy during the week it takes for his cellphone provider to get him a new SIM card with his old number, and when he finally gets home from the store and plugs his new iphone into his computer, he can’t stop bouncing while he waits for the backup to finish processing. 

When he finally, _finally_ has Sebastian’s number, he sends a couple of quick texts, explaining everything. He doesn’t get a reply. He waits for a few hours, sends another, but still--nothing. 

After a night of tossing and turning, Kurt takes a deep breath and calls Sebastian, charges be damned. 

_I’m sorry, the number you have reached is not in service at this time. Please check the number, or try your call again._

Kurt knows it’s the right number because he hasn’t changed it since Sebastian programmed it into his phone. He tries again, just for the sake of it, but gets the same result. 

He stares down at his phone. After the summer, and making good with the whole long distance, it ends like this. With Sebastian just cutting off all contact, after just a week of Kurt being MIA. 

Sebastian had wanted to know if he was good enough for Kurt, but apparently, Kurt isn’t good enough for Sebastian. A week of no contact, and Sebastian jumps at the chance to just cut everything off. 

It’s not fair. 

* * *

During the next few weeks, Kurt throws himself into his work. It’s not hard; he’s new at the job, there’s a lot to do, and he has a need to prove himself. He tries telling himself that this is for the best, that Sebastian would’ve been too distracting if they’d kept on being together. That Kurt never would’ve been able to focus on his career, that the lack of sleep would eventually catch up with Sebastian. 

It works for a while, the denial and convincing, until the day when everything comes crashing down. Kurt is at work, like usual, spending the morning in the printer room. There’s an old radio there, crackling with static, tuned into some 90’s channel. Kurt enjoys the brief moments of nostalgia that hits him when he runs in to get a printout, but today, when he has to listen to it for hours, he’s not as pleased. Especially not when, in the middle of it, fucking _Barbie Girl_ comes on. Not only because it’s a really shitty song and the shrill voices always give Kurt a headache, but also because it’s _Aqua_ and _Sebastian_ likes Aqua, and Kurt can’t get these pieces of information out of his mind, no matter how hard he tries. It doesn’t matter that the rain is pouring down outside and that he’s stuck in the printer room making three hundred copies of design drafts, he still can’t help to think about that warm summer day when Sebastian’s car broke down. 

It doesn’t get better when he gets home. It’s something about the day’s date that’s been nagging him, but he hasn’t been able to figure it out. He has checked his calendar multiple times, even asked Isabelle if there’s anything he’s forgotten, but no. He’s just about to call out to Rachel and ask her, when he glances over at the kitchen table and sees the printouts of her flight tickets to Lima. 

Printouts. Flight tickets. 

It’s the date when Kurt was supposed to go to Paris. The realization hits him hard and he sits down heavily at the table, pulling the sheets of paper towards him to have something to do with his hands. They’d talked about it, him and Sebastian, when he first got to New York, and decided that they’d wait and see if Kurt got a job, and then change the dates if they had to. Kurt had still taken note of the original dates, though, just to make sure they didn’t pass and they missed them. Which they, obviously, did anyway, and it makes Kurt want to bang his head against the table and never stop. He ends up staring unseeingly at the wall, and he doesn’t know how long he sits there, but when Rachel waves a hand in front of his eyes and he looks up at her, she looks worried. 

“Are you okay?” she asks. She’s basically been waiting for him to have a breakdown over Sebastian, and this seems to be her lucky day. 

Kurt opens his mouth to snap at her, but he can’t get a sound out. He closes his mouth, swallows, then shakes his head. 

He’s not okay at all.

* * *

In June, when Kurt is clearing out his things before going back to Ohio for the summer, he finds something in the bottom of his nightstand drawer. It’s pushed into a corner, and he probably would’ve missed it if he wasn’t looking for the missing bead on one of his brooches. 

It’s a necklace charm of the Eiffel Tower. Sebastian had sent it just after Kurt had arrived in New York, and Kurt had worn it all the time. Until Sebastian decided to cut him off, that is. From then, it’s been laying in the bottom of this drawer. Kurt stands up and walks over to his dresser, pulls out the thin gold chain he’d had it on before. He threads the charm on the chain and puts the chain around his neck. The metal is cold against his skin for a few seconds before it warms up, and it feels...good. Comfortable. 

Kurt still hasn’t talked to Sebastian since then, and Sebastian hasn’t talked to him, either. He realizes now, when he’s standing in front of the mirror, staring at himself, that Sebastian has had Kurt’s address the whole time. He could’ve sent a letter. 

Kurt fiddles with the charm, entertains the thought of taking it off and putting it back in the nightstand to forget about it for another year, but...This feels okay. He’s been pretty broken up all year, but he’s finally getting over it. It’s been--an experience. He knows it’s done him good in the long run, and the relationship was probably doomed anyway, and now the charm is mostly a pleasant reminder of a great summer. 

He takes another look at his reflection, then glances around at his curtained partition of the apartment again. A bit more cleaning up, then it’s back to Ohio for the summer. 

He can do this. 


	6. Second Summer, part 1

**FOUR YEARS LATER**

Kurt lets out a deep sigh of relief as soon as he gets in the car. He rests his forehead against the steering wheel and breathes deeply before starting up the engine and backing out of the driveway.

He loves his family, and he _is_ excited about marrying Blaine, but he doesn't--believe it or not--want to talk about it every minute of every waking hour of every day. The silence of the car ride to the airport is a total bliss, and Kurt doesn't even feel guilty for lying about his departure time. He has over an hour to spare, so he takes a detour before hitting the big road.

Kurt has driven by here a lot of times over the years, and it's always looked the same. Eventually, it's become a pleasant reminder of that summer, and now it's comforting to drive by and just see that it’s the same. But this time, there's something that catches his eye. The house has been repainted and the holes on the roof have been patched. Kurt glances at the clock on the dashboard and then makes a snap decision and does a quick turn. There are no other cars in sight, thankfully, and he speeds up a little on his way back to the driveway.

The gravel crackles under the wheels of the rental car as Kurt rounds the corner and sees the courtyard. It’s a complete mess of things, wood, ladders and tools laying around in heaps, and not a person in sight. Kurt shuts off the engine and just as he opens the door to get out of the car, he hears a familiar voice yelling.

“Hey, this is private property, you can’t--” Sebastian falters as soon as he recognizes Kurt and stops dead in his tracks a few feet away from the car.

He looks good. He’s shirtless and wearing a pair of denim cutoffs, with a tool belt slung low on his hips, and a baseball cap turned backwards on his head. He’s tan, and Kurt guesses that it’s Sebastian who’s done most of the work on the house, because he’s muscled, too.

“Hello,” Kurt says, stepping out of the car and closing the door gently to lean back on it.

“Hi.”

“I was just--” Kurt waves at the road. “I’m on my way to the airport and I saw something had happened with this place so I just thought I’d...check it out.”

“Oh. Okay. Yeah, I’ve been...I mean, I finally got some time to...fix it. You know.”

“Like you wanted,” Kurt says, smiling a little.

“Yeah, like I wanted.”

It’s weird, seeing Sebastian like this. Kurt has thought about this moment thousands of times, imagined hundreds of different scenarios, but this was never one of them. He’s so unprepared for this and he has no idea what to say. _Hey, how’ve you been; why did you shut me out; do you hate me?_

“It looks good,” he says, instead, nodding towards the house.

“Thanks,” Sebastian says. “Would you...like to come in, or something? I have coffee, but that’s pretty much it, I don’t--”

“No, I’m fine,” Kurt interrupts, his hand flying up to automatically play with the chain around his neck. It’s a nervous habit, drives Blaine crazy, but he can’t help it. “I can’t--I need to get to the airport soon.”

“You kept it,” Sebastian says. Kurt looks down.

“What?” The charm. “Oh. Yeah.” He shrugs awkwardly and takes down his hand, and Sebastian jerks as if he’s been burned.

“You’re engaged,” he says, and it’s not a question. Kurt glances at the ring. He loves Blaine, and he appreciates the thought, but his taste in rings leaves a little bit to be desired. While the ring by itself is fancy, it’s a bit too fancy, and honestly, it clashes with a lot of Kurt’s outfits. He can’t say that to Blaine, though, so he’s stuck with it.

“I would’ve thought you’d go for something a little more subtle,” Sebastian says, as if he’s reading Kurt’s thoughts. “Something that’s a bit more easy to match.” He bites his lip. “I guess things change.”

_The number you have reached is not in service anymore._

“Yeah,” Kurt says. “I guess they do.”

They’re both silent for a bit, not knowing what to say.

“Well, I should go,” Kurt says eventually. “Got a flight and all that.”

Sebastian nods. “Yeah, sure.”

Kurt opens the door, and just as he’s about to step into the car, Sebastian says:

“You never called.”

Kurt stops, one foot inside.

“I changed my number,” Sebastian says. “And I texted you the new one. But you never called.”

“I never got a text,” Kurt says, looking back at him.

“I sent like ten of them. It was right after you’d gotten the internship.”

Kurt thinks back, does the math.

“I--I lost my phone. My number was disconnected for a week. I didn’t get your texts, Sebastian.”

“You didn’t answer my emails, either.”

“My email was hacked! I had no way to contact you.”

“So you just gave up?”

“You gave up, too!” Kurt says, squeezing his eyes tight for a second to stop the tears. “Don’t blame this on me. You moved away and when I didn’t call you for a week, you just quit?”

“I didn’t know what to do!”

“You had my address,” Kurt says, getting in the car. “You could’ve written a letter.” He shuts the door without waiting for a reply, then drives off so fast that his dad would’ve reprimanded him if he’d been present.

* * *

Kurt is distracted the whole way home. He’s finally done it. He’s seen Sebastian again. It didn’t go as he’d thought, and now he can’t stop thinking about it.

For one, Kurt was supposed to be much cooler and put-together. Suit pants, dress shirt, maybe the scarf he bought last month. At least not airplane jeans and a hoodie. He would not be freaked out, he would be collected, talk in complete sentences, have a life, moved on, been married. To Blaine.

Blaine. Sweet, wonderful, amazing Blaine. Who’s currently at home, in their apartment, waiting for Kurt, who just had a really awkward meeting with the guy he lost his virginity to five years ago. He knew Sebastian for like four or five months, and he’s been with Blaine for over three years. They met at NYADA, hit it off immediately, and have been dating almost the whole time. They know each other, Kurt knows Blaine, and Blaine knows Kurt better than anyone else. Except for maybe Sebastian, which is weird and probably not true. It was most likely a pure coincidence that his thoughts on the ring were Kurt’s exact thoughts. A weird coincidence. That’s all.

He almost falls asleep on the train ride home, and he’s exhausted by the time he unlocks the front door. The apartment is dark, with Blaine in bed, already, and Kurt dumps his bags by the door to deal with them tomorrow. He toes off his shoes and walks quietly into the bedroom. Blaine is sprawled out on his stomach, fast asleep and looking beautiful. Kurt leans against the doorframe and watches him for awhile, but Blaine must feel that he’s being watched, because after a few moments his eyes flutter open and he squints at Kurt.

“Hey,” he croaks out and smiles. “You’re home.” He reaches out from under the covers and makes grabby hands towards Kurt, who crosses the floor easily and sits down on the bed.

“How was Lima?” Blaine asks, rolling onto his side to see Kurt better.

“Oh, you know,” Kurt says, shrugging. “Same.”

“And your family? Good?”

Kurt nods. “Yeah. They’re fine.”

Blaine smiles at him and rubs his thigh. “Good. Come to bed?”

“Yeah. Just--Blaine?”

“Mm?”

“I met Sebastian.” The hand on his thigh stops.

“Sebastian. _The_ Sebastian?”

Blaine knows about Sebastian, of course he knows about Sebastian. They’d met in the beginning of Kurt’s second year at NYADA, Blaine’s first, and Kurt can’t really talk about how he got to New York without in some way mentioning Sebastian.

“Yes,” Kurt says.

“Okay...? Was it planned, or...?”

“No! No, it was completely random, I drove by his house and--it was a total surprise, and extremely awkward. I’m probably never seeing him again.”

Blaine smiles. “Okay.” He grabs Kurt’s arm and pulls him down for a kiss. “Will you come to bed now? I’ve missed you.”

“I’m gonna brush my teeth, then I’ll be right back.”

“Plus thirty minutes for skin care,” Blaine adds, fond exasperation in his voice. “I guess welcome back sex will have to wait until tomorrow, huh?”

Kurt smiles and kisses him again. “Not if you stay awake,” he says teasingly, even though they both know Blaine will be sleeping before Kurt even closes the bathroom door.

And if Kurt lets his mind wander while he’s moisturizing, thinking that _Sebastian_ probably would’ve pulled him into the bed then and there to have his wicked way with him, well--then that’s no one’s business.

* * *

A week passes without anything happening. Kurt is at the office a lot to catch up after his vacation, and when he gets home, Blaine has already gone to bed or fallen asleep on the couch. Today though, Kurt manages to get off relatively early, and when he gets home, Blaine is in the kitchen, drying the dishes.

“Hey,” Kurt says, wrapping his arms around Blaine from behind and kissing his neck.

“There was a letter for you today,” Blaine says, turning around in Kurt’s embrace. “From Sebastian.”

“Did you _read_ it?!”

“The sender’s address is on the envelope,” Blaine replies, and the hurt is evident in his voice. Kurt sighs and drags his fingers through Blaine’s curls.

“Of course. I’m sorry. I don’t think you’re going through my mail, I promise.” He presses a kiss to Blaine’s temple, but Blaine just shrugs.

“It’s on the living room table.”

“Thank you,” Kurt says sincerely, and kisses Blaine on the mouth before he goes out into the living room.

It’s a plain, white envelope with Kurt’s address handwritten in the middle and what Kurt assumes is the address to the house in the corner. Kurt puts his finger under the edge of the flap and rips it open, pulling out the single sheet of paper inside.

> _Lima, 5 years too late_
> 
> _Hi_
> 
> _So, I did a bit of stalking to get your address, I admit it. And I got your cellphone number in the process, so I could have called, but you told me I could’ve written a letter back then, and you were right. I could have. I should have._
> 
> _“I’m sorry” feels like a stupid thing to say now, but you’re not here to roll your eyes at me, so: I’m sorry. Not that it’s only my fault, but whatever. I’m still sorry for how things ended. You deserve better. We deserve better. _
> 
> _I looked you up on facebook two years ago. I still haven’t gotten my own, but your profile is not completely locked down so I could do some stalking. I was going to contact you, but you were in a relationship, so I didn’t. Obviously._
> 
> _I’m not writing to get you back, I just want you back in my life. We had something, and you’re engaged, so obviously we’re not getting it back, but something. Anything. A Christmas card?_
> 
> _I don’t want to live the rest of my life not talking to you at all._
> 
> _New phone number: 614 825 4291_
> 
> _I’ve missed you. Please keep in touch._
> 
> _Sebastian_

“So...?” Blaine says, coming out and sitting down on the edge of the coffee table, opposite of Kurt.

Kurt looks up at him and folds the paper again to put it back into the envelope. “So, what?” he asks.

“What did it say? What does he want?”

“A Christmas card.” Blaine stares at him, and Kurt shrugs. “He wants some sort of contact, at the very least a Christmas card.”

“Okay...? And you’re gonna send him one?”

“I’ll probably call him, actually,” Kurt says, going for honest. “I know I’m gonna hate myself if I don’t.”

Blaine doesn’t look too thrilled about it, which Kurt can understand, but he doesn’t object.

“Okay. Uhm. Dinner’s ready.”

“Oh, great, I’m starving,” Kurt says and stands up. He kisses Blaine and grabs his hand, dragging him into the kitchen.

He knows this can’t be easy for Blaine. Kurt has told him about Sebastian, couldn’t not, because no matter what, it was a big thing in his life. He never expected Sebastian to come back, and he knows that if their roles were reversed, he’d be pretty pissed at Blaine right now.

“Hey,” he says later when they’re getting into bed. Kurt is on his side, facing Blaine who’s on his back. “I love you.”

Blaine turns his head and smiles at him, a genuine smile for the first time all evening. “Hey,” he says. “I love you, too.”

“I know. I’m sorry about this. I know it must be weird for you, but I don’t want to end up bitter in twenty years because I just let this go, you know?”

Blaine’s smile dims a little, but he nods. “Yeah. It’s okay, really.”

“Good.” Kurt leans forward and kisses him, smiles against Blaine’s lips when Blaine grabs his head and holds him closer to deepen the kiss. “I’ve missed you,” Kurt murmurs, shifting on the bed until his body is half on top of Blaine’s and their legs are tangles. “This week’s been hell.”

“Mm, I know, I’ve missed you, too,” Blaine says, wrapping his arms around Kurt’s waist, sliding his hands down to grab Kurt’s ass. “A lot.”

“Well, Mr. soon-to-be Hummel-Anderson, how about we try to make up for it?”

“I think that sounds like a splendid idea, Mr. soon-to-be Hummel-Anderson.”

* * *

It takes Kurt nearly two weeks to work up the guts to send Sebastian a text. He’s not _afraid_ , he just...needs to figure out how he should talk to Sebastian, what kind of tone he should use, what he should _say_.

He’s not proud of what he ends up with, but it’s something, at least.

< So, how’s the renovation going? /Kurt

He signs it even though he’s pretty sure Sebastian already has his number saved, but he doesn’t want to come across as that presumptuous, because it’ll be embarrassing if Sebastian doesn’t know who he is.

The reply comes within minutes.

> Hey! So you got my letter after all. Renovation’s going fine. How’s NY treating you?

< I’m fine  
< You should tell me next time you’re here, so we can meet up.

> I have a couple of business meetings next week actually  
> Too soon?

< No, it’s fine. Lunch maybe?

> Absolutely :)

< Let me know when you’re in town

* * *

“So,” Kurt says over dinner a few days later. “I’m having lunch with Sebastian tomorrow.”

Blaine freezes for a second, but then resumes his eating. “Okay,” he says, not looking Kurt in the eye. “Thanks for telling me.”

Kurt stifles a sigh. He doesn’t want to have to tell Blaine, but he knows it’ll be worse if he finds out afterwards. “Of course,” he says, instead.

* * *

“Should we start looking at dates?” Blaine asks, later, when they’re in bed, his head pillowed on Kurt’s chest, his fingers playing with Kurt’s ring.

“Mm,” Kurt agrees, his free hand tangled up in Blaine’s curls. “Not winter.”

“Okay. What about--”

“Blaine, honey?” Kurt cuts him off and yawns, unable to cover his mouth. “Can we talk about this when I’m not falling asleep?”

Blaine untangles their fingers and scoots to the side, pulling his head away from Kurt’s grip, but still staying closer than what Kurt is really comfortable with. He’s told Blaine countless times, but he’s a chronic cuddler, and--well. They end up curled together more often than not.

“Yeah, sure,” Blaine says, a little too late. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Kurt replies and kisses his forehead. They do need to talk about the wedding, start to plan it, but--Kurt just has to deal with Sebastian first. Then he’ll deal with the wedding.

* * *

Outfit-wise, Kurt feels a lot better when he walks from the Vogue headquarters than he did when he stepped out of the car in Sebastian’s driveway. Dress pants, button-up shirt, a scarf, nicer shoes. He’s mentally prepared, too, which will hopefully make this meeting better than the last.

He’s the first to arrive to the diner where they’d said they’d meet, and he’s not sure if that makes him grateful or more nervous. Sebastian arrives just minutes after, though, and he looks--good. He’s wearing more clothes now, which--admittedly--isn’t hard, but they also fit him really well. He’s dressed more casual than Kurt, chinos and an open short-sleeved button-up over a t-shirt, and big, ridiculous sunglasses. He smiles when he spots Kurt and takes the glasses off when he’s close enough to be heard.

“Hi,” he says, and there’s an awkward moment where neither of them knows how to greet the other. Eventually, Kurt breaks the tension by squaring his shoulders and smiling back.

“Hi. Should we go inside? I don’t--I have to get back in--”

“Yeah, of course.” Sebastian gets the door, holds it open, then leads them to a table.

“So. Uhm,” he says, when they’re seated and have gotten their menus. “How are you?”

“I’m good. Busy, but...good.”

“And how’s...” Sebastian trails off, nods at Kurt’s hand.

“Blaine? He’s also good.”

“That’s good.”

The waitress comes, and they place their orders.

“What about you? How are you?” Kurt asks after she’s left.

“I’m good, too. And busy, too.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard being a homeowner isn’t exactly a cakewalk,” Kurt smiles. “I’m happy for you, though. That you get to do it.”

“Thanks. It’s a lot harder than I thought, but it still feels worth it, you know? It feels good to do something, even if I don’t know shit about renovating a house, oh my god.” Sebastian slumps in his chair and Kurt laughs.

“Like what? You didn’t know there’s more than one kind of screwdriver?” he teases. Sebastian glares at him.

“Shut up,” he mutters, but it’s without heat. “I’m learning, at least. And the guys at the hardware store are kind enough to not laugh straight into my face.”

“I admire their self-control,” Kurt says, solemnly. Sebastian kicks him under the table. Their eyes meet and they smile, before Kurt breaks the contact and clears his throat.

“So, uh, what do you do? When you’re not renovating?”

“I’m trying to make it as a graphic designer,” Sebastian says, with a self-deprecating laugh. “It’s really hard, though, so…yeah. Trying.”

“It’s better than not trying,” Kurt points out.

“Yeah, I guess,” Sebastian says with a shrug. “So what do you do? I know I did some stalking, but it didn’t really tell me much.”

Their food arrives, and Kurt picks at his salad. “I haven’t really decided? I mean, I’m working at Vogue, and they’re paying me, but I’m still auditioning for plays. And I’m thinking about taking up a night class in fashion.”

“Sounds like you’re busy, then.”

“Yeah.” Kurt shifts, and tries to keep himself from preening. He hasn’t even told Blaine about this, but telling Sebastian feels safe. He’s distant enough that it he won’t feel bad about it, but he’s still close enough that it’ll finally feel _real_ if he tells him. “I actually got an offer about a paid six-month internship at the Vogue headquarters in Paris,” he says.

“Wow, that’s awesome!” Sebastian says, looking thoroughly impressed. “When are you leaving?”

Kurt’s proud smile dims a bit. “I’m not, probably.”

“What, why?” Sebastian frowns.

Kurt waves his hand, flashing his ring. “Don’t know how it’d work out. Blaine doesn’t know, and he’s starting his Master’s in a couple of weeks, and...” Kurt trails off, shrugging. “It’s just bad timing.”

“You haven’t even told him about it? But this is huge, it’s a really great opportunity for you, for your career, why--”

“I know,” Kurt says, cutting him off. “I know. But we wouldn’t survive six months apart.” He keeps his voice firm, daring Sebastian to question this. Kurt wants to believe their love is strong enough, but his experiences with long distance relationships aren’t the best, and he’s certain that Blaine wouldn’t be able to stand it.

“When’s the wedding?” Sebastian asks, not pushing it any further.

“I don’t know. I mean, we haven’t decided. Yet.” They’ve eliminated winter and summer, but they haven’t gotten any further than that. Kurt is leaning towards fall, but Blaine wants a spring wedding, and he wants it this upcoming spring. Kurt wants more time. It would be possible, they’ve been saving up enough, but less than a year of planning, actual _plans_ and not just left-handed talk about themes and possibilities, makes Kurt nervous. Blaine keeps insisting that it doesn’t need to be perfect, that it’s enough that they’re getting _married_ , and, well, Kurt doesn’t really know how to argue against that, no matter how much he wants to.

“Oh,” Sebastian says. “How long have you been engaged?”

“A while. Six months, maybe?” Kurt says, focusing on his food so he doesn’t have to meet Sebastian’s gaze. “We just haven’t really discussed it.” He shoots a quick glance at Sebastian, who looks thoroughly confused.

“Okay? But—Well, I don’t know, but you were pretty keen on the whole wedding thing when we were…I mean, you had all those magazines and plans and--Sorry, I shouldn’t assume, but…”

Kurt shrugs. “You’re not wrong. It’s just—I don’t know. It’s a different thing when it’s your own wedding, you know? Everything has to fit together, but it also has to fit _us_.”

Sebastian nods, but he doesn’t look convinced. “Okay. Sure.”

“So, I’m getting married,” Kurt says, and he almost feels like he’s convincing himself of the fact. “What about you?”

“Am I getting married?”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “ _No_. Or, I mean, you could, if you want, but—I just—I meant are you seeing anyone?” He focuses on Sebastian’s lips, doesn’t want to look him in the eye because he doesn’t want Sebastian to look _him_ in the eye when he answers, doesn’t want Sebastian to see the impact his answer has on Kurt.

It really shouldn’t have any impact at all, and the fact that it does makes Kurt nervous. He’d thought he was over Sebastian, years ago, but he suddenly feels sick at the thought of Sebastian seeing anyone, of him committing to anyone, anyone who isn’t Kurt.

This is insane. Kurt looks down at his salad with a glare, as if it’s to blame for his feelings. It probably is. The shrimps were probably bad and Kurt is getting food poisoning and that’s why he’s feeling like this. Fucking shrimps.

“No, I’m not,” Sebastian replies, jerking Kurt out of his aggression towards the shrimp. “I just got back a few months ago and…I knew I was coming back. So I didn’t really—Long distance hasn’t really, uhm, worked out, so I didn’t want to try again.”

“Oh.” Kurt feels equal parts victorious and guilty about that, which makes him feel even sicker.

“I mean, I’ve—I’ve slept around,” Sebastian says, then winces when he realizes how it sounds. “That sounded—No, I’m not seeing anyone. I haven’t been holding back, but I haven’t really been actively looking for a commitment, either, is what I’m trying to say.”

“Okay. Well. That’s good,” Kurt says, trying to sound cool and casual about it. One part of his brain is _glad_ , because this means Kurt still has a shot, and—that is a really horrible thought. Kurt feels so guilty that he blushes, and determinately ignores Sebastian’s curious stare. He can’t help but wonder, though. What if Sebastian has waited for him? What if he’s had Kurt on his mind, and that’s why he hasn’t been able to commit to anyone else? It’s a really selfish thought, and it doesn’t matter, because Kurt’s _engaged_ , but he can’t exactly help it. The thoughts keep on coming, whether he wants them to or not. Sure, Sebastian did say in the letter that he didn’t want Kurt back, or whatever, but he _wrote a letter_ to say it. No one writes letters these days, not really. Except Sebastian, apparently.

How does he manage to do this? How does he manage to screw Kurt up so completely in just a matter of _minutes_? Everything Sebastian says or does affects Kurt a little more than anything anyone else does. Sure, a lot of those things were because they were Kurt’s firsts, but they also _meant_ something. They came from Sebastian, and somehow that made them more in a way Kurt has no idea how to explain. He certainly doesn’t know why Blaine doesn’t have the same effect on him. They’ve had a lot of firsts, too, but it hasn’t felt groundbreaking or earth shattering in the same ways things had felt with Sebastian.

Even this, reconnecting, is a first, and Sebastian takes that from Kurt, too. And Kurt is letting him, because how can he not? He thinks about walking away after they’re done here, and not look back, thinks about not talking to Sebastian ever again, and it makes him dizzy. Kurt can’t imagine a life without Sebastian in it in some capacity, not now when he as the chance to _have him_ in some capacity, and okay, it’s really time for a change of subject. “So what are your plans for the house? You’re fixing it up now, but are you going to live there?” Kurt says, unnaturally bright, and Sebastian raises an eyebrow at his tone, but doesn’t comment on it.

“Yeah, for awhile, at least,” he says. “If I freelance I might as well live there as anywhere else, but I’m not sure anywhere else has the same great view.”

“It’s a pretty great view,” Kurt agrees. The room that had been functioning as study when Kurt was there had had a big window over the desk, overlooking the courtyard and the lake. If anyone had lived there during their summer, they would’ve had a perfect view of Kurt and Sebastian’s… _activities_ under the tree. “Are you fixing up the inside, too? Or are you fine with sleeping with the dinosaurs?”

Sebastian kicks him again, gentler this time, and smiles as he says, “Dinosaurs are cool,” with the same amount of defensiveness as five years ago. “But yeah, I’m redecorating. Trying to, at least,” he adds with a grimace. “I’m trying to decide on a theme for the kitchen, do you _know_ how many different kinds of cupboards there are?” A beat, then, “Wait, of course _you_ do.”

“I’m not sure if I should be flattered or offended,” Kurt says, even though he _feels_ flattered. Mostly, he’s just glad they’ve moved on to a safer subject. The banter between them still flows when they’re on safer topics, and it’s kind of both a blessing and a curse. It would’ve been easier to write this off as a summer fling and mark Sebastian down as an acquaintance if everything between them had been awkward, but now he can’t do that. They still work together.

Sebastian just shrugs and gives him a smirk. “I’ll let you decide that. I think I’m gonna try to focus on getting the outside done first, though, before I move on to the inside.”

“Prolonging the inevitable, really smart move, Smythe,” Kurt deadpans, and Sebastian flips him off, laughing.

“Oh, come on, just because you get worked up over interior magazines doesn’t mean we all know what to do with a two-story five-bedroom house.”

Kurt bites his lip and hesitates for a second before he says, “I could help, if you want? At least send you a couple of magazines? I mean, I’ve been in the house, so… Only if you want to. This is your project, I don’t mean to—“

“No, that would be great, actually. Usually, my mother would be all over it, but she’s still in France, so. It’s just me and Dad, and he’s not really the one to talk to about this. He’ll go with me and buy everything and help me build it, but choosing colors and countertops? Not his thing. I showed him the IKEA catalogue and he thought the red kitchen, the one with the sleek cupboards, you know?” Kurt nods, and grimaces, because he knows. Sebastian gives him a knowing smile. “Yeah. He thought I should go with that. In his dad’s old house.”

“I’ll send you a couple of magazines,” Kurt says reassuringly. “I’ll even put post-its on the things I think would fit.” He takes a sip of his water. “But finish the outside, you said? Have you thought about the garden?”

“…not really. I mean. I think I want a greenhouse? There’s space for it, and I think my grandfather talked about it, but he never got around to actually building one. But it would be nice to have. Other than that I don’t really know.”

“My mom had lemon trees in the greenhouse at our old house,” Kurt says. “She would make lemonade, and everyone else thought it was too sour, but she and I thought it was perfect. Dad was pretty bitter about that.”

“I can imagine. I think you made a pitcher at one of the barbecues, actually? It was good from what I can remember.”

“You’re just saying that,” Kurt says, but he can’t help but feel a thrill that Sebastian even _remembers_.

“Maybe,” Sebastian agrees. “I guess you’ll just have to make another pitcher so I can refresh my memory.”

“I guess I will,” Kurt says, and just like that, they’ve suddenly implied that they will meet again. Kurt sending over a bunch of magazines is one thing, but this? Another level completely.

The waitress comes over and takes their plates, and Kurt is about to object until he realizes they’re empty, that they’ve finished their food, and Kurt hasn’t even noticed. He pulls up his phone and sees that he has ten minutes to make it back to his office, and he panics for just a second at the thought of this meeting coming to such an abrupt end.

“I have to go,” he says, and he doesn’t even try to hide his disappointment. “I need to get back to work.”

Sebastian takes a look at his own phone and seems just as surprised at how quickly the time has passed. “Oh. Well. Okay.”

“How long are you staying?” Kurt blurts out, before he can stop himself.

“Another week, two maybe. Why?”

“Can we meet up again? For drinks, or something? Just--it would be nice to talk without a time limit,” Kurt says, almost tripping over the words in his haste to get them out.

Sebastian lights up in a bright smile. “Yeah, that would be great. I have a few late meetings planned, but let me know when you’re available, okay?” They put their money on the table and stand up to walk towards the door.

“Probably Friday or Saturday,” Kurt says, knowing that he should check with Blaine first, but he doesn’t care. He’s spending the rest of his life with Blaine, Sebastian is only in town for another week or two. Something about that thought nags at Kurt, but he shoves it aside as much as he can. Later, he’ll deal with it later.

“Okay,” Sebastian says, shouldering the door open and putting on his sunglasses again. “I’ll keep my schedule clear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was writing Sebastian's letter, Take That's _Back For Good_ started playing on Spotify...


	7. Second Summer, part 2

Blaine is on the couch with his guitar when Kurt comes home later that evening. His whole face is set in the frown that means he’s been working on something for hours without managing to get it _right_. Kurt gives him a small smile and kisses his temple on his way to the kitchen, and is totally prepared to spend the rest of the night with a cup of tea and a magazine. He has barely grabbed the kettle when Blaine’s guitar strumming dies, and a few seconds later he appears in the kitchen doorway. 

“How was lunch?” he asks. He’s trying to sound casual, and usually he’s a good enough actor to pull it off, but he’s too tense today and Kurt sees right through it. 

“It was fine,” Kurt replies, filling the kettle with water and reaching up for a mug. 

“Fine,” Blaine repeats. 

“Mhm.” 

Blaine is silent for a couple of seconds, as if he’s waiting for Kurt to elaborate. When he doesn’t, he says, “Are you seeing him again?” 

“Yes. We’re going out to get drinks this weekend or next.” 

“Oh.” Blaine fiddles with a loose splinter in the doorframe and Kurt barely catches what he says next. “I don’t want you to see him.” 

Kurt breathes in deeply and tries to stay calm. He knows Blaine is annoyed at something else right now and that he’s just looking to pick a petty fight to get an outlet for his frustrations. He’s done this before, but not since Kurt asked him to please stop. 

“That’s really not for you to decide,” he says, as lightly as he can muster. 

“No. But--“ Blaine cuts himself off and avoids looking directly at Kurt. 

“But what?” Kurt prompts. They need to get this out now, before it has time to fester and get worse. 

“I don’t like it. I--“ Blaine sighs. “I’m jealous,” he says, sounding equal parts embarrassed and annoyed. 

“Why?” Kurt asks, even though he _knows_ why. If their roles were reversed, Kurt’d be asked to play Elphaba he’d be so green with jealousy. “Blaine, we’re getting _married_ , you--“ 

“Are we?” Blaine cuts him off, sharply. “Because from where I’m standing, there’s a lot of talk about it, but you don’t seem to actually want to _decide_ anything.” He purses his lips and breathes in through his nose, lets it out slowly. “Sorry. I’m just--“ He waves vaguely. “I’m gonna…” He turns around without finishing the sentence, and a couple of seconds later, Kurt hears the door to their study being firmly shut. 

The only thing Kurt can think about, even when the kettle clicks, signaling that the water is done, is how he didn’t even think about telling Blaine he has no reason to be jealous, because…he has. 

* * *

Kurt and Sebastian don’t get a chance to meet up during the weekend, but that doesn’t mean they don’t talk. There’s an almost constant stream of texts between them, mostly design related, but there’s also a decent amount of catching up with the past five years between them. Sebastian has a lot of stories to tell about Paris and France, and Kurt doesn’t even pretend he’s not jealous. 

He tries to be discreet about his texting, at least around Blaine, but his fiancé catches on pretty quickly and makes his dislike obvious by sighing loudly every time Kurt gets a text. It’s almost a relief when Blaine leaves on Sunday night for his week as a counselor at a summer camp near Washington. Kurt gets to use his phone without being glared at, he can sleep properly at night, and he doesn’t have to have a single conversation about the wedding. He still talks to Blaine every day, of course, but they mostly keep the conversations light and talk about their days, Blaine gushing about how awesome the kids are and what he gets to do, and Kurt mostly complaining about how the people he works with are idiots. It’s nice, the distance is nice, even though they were apart just a few weeks ago when Kurt was in Lima. Kurt tries to not think too much about that, how he enjoys this, because it doesn’t lead to anything good. 

* * *

Kurt and Sebastian do manage to meet up the Friday when Blaine is away, though. Kurt hurries to get home after work and then meets Sebastian outside a bar a few blocks from his house, smiling easily and handing over a stack of magazines on interior design. 

“I’ve put post-its on the things I think would fit, and they’re color-coded. There’s a reference sheet in the magazine on the top,” he says, tapping the top of the stack where it’s settled in the crook of Sebastian’s arm. 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says with a warm smile. “Are they all recent or…?” 

Kurt gives him an approving look, but shakes his head. “No. But I’ve also written down notes on where you can find similar stuff to the things that are out of stock these days.” 

Sebastian lets out a low, impressed whistle. “Wow. Thank you, really. I don’t know what I’d do without this.” 

“Have an ugly home,” Kurt replies easily, dodging away when Sebastian tries to nudge his shoulder. “Should we go inside? I haven’t eaten yet, and I need something if we’re really gonna be drinking,” he says, nodding towards the bar. 

“And Blaine approves of this?” Sebastian says as they make their way to a table. He’s joking, Kurt knows, but the implications are still annoying. 

“He’s not home,” Kurt mutters. Not that it would’ve mattered if he was, because honestly, Kurt doesn’t have a say in Blaine’s drinking and outing habits, so Blaine really doesn’t get to have a say in Kurt’s habits. 

“Oh. Everything okay?” Sebastian asks, looking up to flag down a waitress. 

Kurt shrugs. “Yeah, I guess. He’s at camp, so it’s not--It’s fine.” 

“Okay,” Sebastian says, sounding wary, then looks up at the waiter who has appeared at the table. “Two… uh…” He falters and looks over at Kurt, probably realizing that they’ve never done this before. He doesn’t know what Kurt drinks. It’s a thing they never really covered while they were together, and they certainly haven’t covered it since. Drinking habits is not exactly something you bring up in a casual text. It’s a relatively intimate piece of detail, and this, just this one glance, makes Kurt painfully aware of just how much they’ve missed out on during their years apart. 

“I’ll have a glass of white wi—you know what, fuck it,” Kurt says. “I’ll have a Long Island Iced Tea.” There’s a beat of silence. “And a plate of fries,” he adds, mindful of his almost empty stomach. The waiter nods, then looks expectantly at Sebastian. 

“I’ll have a beer,” he says. 

“What kind?” 

“What do you have?” 

The waiter sighs and shifts. “This week we have three kinds from a local microbrewery, otherwise we have--“ 

“Dear lord, give me one of those,” Sebastian says, sounding equal parts horrified and excited. 

Lifting an eyebrow, the waiter asks “Which one?” 

Sebastian squints at him. “The darkest?” 

“Coming right up,” the waiter says, and he couldn’t sound less excited about coming back with their drinks. 

“Microbrewery, huh?” Kurt says when the waiter has left, and Sebastian gives him a _look_. 

“Yeah,” he says shortly. “So, camp?” 

“Yeah. He’s going to be a music teacher. So this is like...a practice run, or something.” 

“That’s nice,” Sebastian says. Kurt nods. It does. It is. “Have you gotten anywhere with the wedding plans?” 

Kurt sighs and slumps down in his seat. “No.” 

Sebastian raises an eyebrow. “What happened to Kurt ‘I want to be married before thirty, not necessarily to you, but, I mean--‘ Hummel?” he asks. “I mean, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but...I don’t know. I’m here if you do want to talk.” 

“It’s not--You make it sound like I’m--“ Kurt lets out a frustrated sigh and slumps even further down. “I love Blaine,” he says. “I do, I really, really do, but--“ 

It’s weird, opening himself up to Sebastian like this. He hasn’t even told Rachel any of this, and here he is, about to spill his guts to his ex-boyfriend before having had a single drop of alcohol. 

“But…” Sebastian prompts, gently. 

“But I’m just--Your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, right? That’s what it’s about, that’s what everyone’s saying. You’re marrying the love of your life, it’s all about you, all about love, everything is amazing. The happiest day of your life.” 

“Yes…?” Sebastian says when Kurt falls silent and doesn’t continue. “Is there a problem with that?” 

Kurt looks at him. “Why would I want to have the happiest day of my life before I’m twenty-five?” 

Sebastian stares back at him. “Kurt, are you getting cold feet? Are you--It’s been your dream to get married since you were, like, three years old. And now you don’t want to do it?” 

“I do! I--At least I think I do? I mean, I love Blaine. Why wouldn’t I want to marry him?” 

“Well, don’t ask _me_ ; I’ve never even met the guy!” 

“God, I wasn’t--Ugh. Never mind. It’s--probably just the distance. Everything will be fine when he comes back.” 

“Sure it will,” Sebastian says, sounding about as sincere as their waiter sounded excited. Who, speak of the devil, comes back to their table just as Sebastian is talking. He puts their drinks down before them, Kurt’s plate of fries in the middle, then leaves without even asking if they want anything else. 

“What’s his problem?” Kurt mutters, taking a sip of his drink and wincing at the strength of it. He grabs a couple of fries and watches Sebastian looking suspiciously at his beer bottle. 

“I repeat, ‘microbrewery?’” Kurt says, glad for the chance to change the subject. Sebastian takes a sip and his reaction is not even a wince, is a full-scale grimace. 

“Jesus _christ_ , what did they _do_ at that place?” he says, turning the bottle to read the whole label. “Ugh, there’s supposed to be something other than hops in it.” He puts the bottle down and wipes his mouth, then sneaks a couple of fries from the plate. Kurt reaches for the bottle, taking a sip. He completely understands Sebastian’s reaction and takes a big gulp of his own drink to swallow down the taste of the--thing. 

“This trend has gone way, _way_ too far,” he says, pushing the bottle back to Sebastian. 

“Yeah,” Sebastian agrees, then takes another drink. “Ew.” 

“You gonna finish it?” Kurt asks, incredulous. 

“Yes! Don’t knock it ’til you try it, and all that. Maybe it gets better.” He looks dubious as he says it, though. 

“Mm,” Kurt agrees, absentmindedly. Maybe it does get better. Maybe he and Blaine will get better. Sebastian seems to pick up on his track of mind, because he puts his bottle down and dons a serious expression again. 

“Kurt…I’m not saying you should listen to me, because I don’t know Blaine at all, and I barely know you anymore, but..maybe you’re just not ready?” 

“Not ready for what? Marriage? You said it yourself, I’ve been talking about it since I could speak.” Kurt pointedly avoids the part about Sebastian barely knowing him, because no matter how true it might be, it _hurts_. He doesn’t want to be someone Sebastian barely knows, he wants to be the one Sebastian knows the _best_. 

“Yeah, but…things don’t always turn out the way you think they will,” Sebastian says, avoiding Kurt’s eyes as he says it. “There’s nothing wrong with waiting,” he adds. 

“Waiting for _what_ , though?” Kurt asks. “We live together. We love each other.” 

“Well,” Sebastian says, and then he hesitates, looking unsure if he should say the rest of the sentence. “Maybe you’re just not right for each other, then.” 

Kurt looks at him for several seconds, but Sebastian doesn’t budge. “I’m not nearly drunk enough for this conversation,” he sighs and reaches for his drink, but he doesn’t miss Sebastian’s brief, sad smile. 

“You shouldn’t have to be drunk at all.” 

* * *

On Saturday, Kurt wakes up with a hangover and stomach that’s not all too keen on cooperating. He doesn’t know when exactly he came home last night, but he knows it was late, and that he had a _lot_ to drink during the night. 

He makes his way into the kitchen, pours a glass of water and makes some toast, swallows a couple of painkillers, then sits down heavily at the kitchen table. A wedding magazine is on top of the pile at the end of the table, no doubt purposely planted there by Blaine. Kurt has been ignoring it all week, but now he grabs it and starts to flip through it. He needs to distract himself somehow, he might as well start to plan this thing. 

While the coffee maker is working, Kurt walks around the apartment and collects a bunch of relevant magazines and his computer, dumping it all on the coffee table. He grabs a blank notebook, too, and a pack of pencils. 

The coffee helps a bit with the headache, but it doesn’t completely remove the pounding against Kurt’s temples. Somehow, he’s fine with that. It feels like an appropriate punishment for the thoughts he’s having, the thoughts that are the reason he’s even sitting here, drawing up designs for wedding suits and googling possible venues. It’s fucked up in so many ways and Kurt shouldn’t think about it, really, but he can’t make his mind shut up. 

He still has feelings for Sebastian. That’s not news, exactly, and the feelings are still undefined and fuzzy around the edges, he doesn’t know _what_ he’s feeling, just that he still feels something. Logically, Kurt knows he’ll always feel something for Sebastian, because it’s inevitable. But he’s also pretty sure that he shouldn’t be feeling like _this_ for Sebastian while he’s engaged to Blaine. It’s--he’s not in love with Sebastian, but there’s something more than just plain platonic friendly affection, too. 

Whether or not Sebastian feels the same, Kurt has no idea. They’ve been apart for too long, have changed too much for Kurt to be able to read him, but it doesn’t really matter. Kurt has complicated, more-than-platonic feelings for someone who is not his fiancé, and he needs to make them go away. So he throws himself into wedding plans. 

That is how Blaine finds him when he comes home late on Sunday evening. Kurt has barely left the couch, but he has eaten something and he laid down to take a nap somewhere around really late or very early. He’s running on too much coffee and not enough sleep, and he jumps when Blaine lays a hand on his neck. 

“Hey,” Blaine says, and he sounds tired and worried. “What are you doing?” 

“Planning.” Kurt tugs Blaine down so he can give him a kiss, then grabs one of the magazines. “Look,” he says, flipping to one of the post-its. “I figured, if we do like this, we can--“ 

“Kurt,” Blaine says, cutting him off and grabbing the magazine to close it and put it back on the couch. “It’s eleven pm. Let’s talk about it tomorrow, okay?” 

“Yeah, I just--“ 

“No, come on, I haven’t slept properly in a week, I need to go to bed.” He takes Kurt by the hand and pulls him up, and Kurt goes with him, reluctantly. 

The exhaustion hits Kurt hard when they’re standing hip to hip in the bathroom, though, brushing their teeth, and he barely has enough energy to pull the covers up over his stomach. 

“I’ve missed you,” Blaine says, crawling into the bed and curling up with his arm around Kurt’s waist and his head on Kurt’s chest. “Missed this.” 

“Mm,” Kurt hums, not at all agreeing, but lifts a heavy arm to tangle his fingers in Blaine’s curls. _Maybe it gets better_. 

* * *

The following week is weird and hard. Kurt throws himself into the wedding planning as much as he can, but as he tries to inquire Blaine about his preferences on everything from food to flowers, Blaine is growing more and more distant. 

At the same time, Kurt has tried to cut off all contact with Sebastian. He tells himself it’s just temporary, that he just needs to get back on track with Blaine, needs to find the _right_ place with him again. Hopefully his-- _feelings_ for Sebastian will be gone by then, but if not, he’ll deal with it when the time comes. He doesn’t reply to Sebastian’s texts anymore, and it takes a couple of days, but eventually Sebastian gets the hint and stops texting him. 

Kurt can’t seem to stop himself from _wanting_ Sebastian to keep texting him, though, and he doesn’t even realize how bad it’s become until he’s sitting on the couch with Blaine one night, watching a movie, when Blaine says, “Are you expecting a call or something?” 

Kurt jerks and looks over at him. “No. Why? Should I be?” 

Blaine shrugs. “I don’t know. But you keep looking at your phone every thirty seconds, and I’ve lost count on how many times you’ve checked if the sound is still on.” 

“Do I?” Kurt says, genuinely surprised, and glances down at his phone where it’s laying beside him on the couch. As he does it, the motion feels familiar, and he realizes that Blaine is right. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize,” he says, and turns off the sound and shoves the phone under a pillow. He gives Blaine a quick smile, then turns his attention back to the TV. 

It takes him two minutes to realize how much he’d looked at his phone before, because now he gets painfully aware that he _can’t_ look. It’s stupid, it’s so, so stupid, because he’s not even expecting Sebastian to text him. He’s read at the last text in his inbox, _Fine. Call me when you get your shit together. Or don’t, whatever_ , more times than he can count, and it was sent three days ago. He aches to reply, to tell Sebastian everything, and have Sebastian tell him what to do in return, but he can’t. He needs to fix this thing with Blaine, and it won’t work if Sebastian is involved, not even as some kind of moral support. 

* * *

The thing is, it’s hard to fix things with Blaine when Blaine doesn’t seem to want the same thing. Kurt feels as if their roles are reversed, with him being completely wrapped up in planning, and Blaine answering his questions with hums or shrugs. 

“Did you see Sebastian when I was away?” he asks over dinner one night. 

“Yes. We had drinks. I told you we would, didn’t I? Because I could’ve sworn I--“ 

“Kurt, it’s okay. I was just asking. I know you said.” 

“Oh. Okay.” 

“Did anything--I don’t think you _did_ anything, but--did anything happen? Because that’s him you’ve been not-talking too, right?” 

“Nothing happened,” Kurt says sharply. “But yes, it’s him.” 

“Why?” Blaine asks. When Kurt just looks at him, he adds, “Why aren’t you talking to him? If nothing happened, then why--” 

“I just don’t want to,” Kurt says, cutting him off. “What’s the point?” 

Blaine frowns at him. “Because you said you wanted to be friends again? I mean, I’m not gonna force you to talk to him, I was just wondering. It seemed a bit sudden.” 

“I just don’t want to,” Kurt repeats, and to his relief, Blaine leaves it at that. Kurt is pretty sure the explanation _I can’t talk to him because I’m trying to get over my feelings for him and fall back in love with you_ would’ve gotten him kicked out of the apartment. 

* * *

After that, Blaine gets into the wedding planning a bit more. He indulges Kurt in fabric choices and cake recipes, and while they’re still undecided about spring or fall, they do manage to make _some_ decisions. 

They spend a whole night discussing possible honeymoon locations, and it isn’t until they’re in bed, loose and sleepy from their orgasms, that it hits Kurt. 

“We should go to Tokyo,” he says, almost sitting up with the surge of energy from this idea. It’s brilliant, how didn’t he think of it before? 

“Tokyo?” Blaine says, utterly confused. “Why should we go there?” 

Kurt looks at him. “You’ve always wanted to go there?” 

Blaine frowns. “No? I don’t want to go to Tokyo? Or, I mean, it would definitely be cool, but it’s not like I dream about it?” 

Kurt stares at him for a few seconds before it hits him. He’s so ashamed that he blushes and averts his gaze from Blaine’s, lies down and tries to calm down his beating heart. “I guess I must’ve dreamed it, then,” he mumbles, pulling Blaine close so he doesn’t have to see his face. 

Blaine doesn’t reply. 

* * *

The Sunday two weeks past The Weekend and Blaine’s coming home, Kurt gives himself a break from the planning. While Blaine cleans up from their breakfast, Kurt settles on the couch with a book, prepared to spend at least a couple of hours losing himself in another world. 

It lasts for about ten minutes, then Blaine comes out from the kitchen and settles on the couch beside him. Kurt gives him a cursory glance, and sees that he’s angled towards Kurt, looking like he’s bracing himself. 

“We need to talk,” he says, when he sees that Kurt has noticed him. He sounds dead serious, and Kurt has a nagging suspicion about where this conversation is heading. 

“Okay,” he says, marking his place in the book and putting it down. 

Blaine takes a deep breath. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

“Yeah. But you don’t--” Blaine cuts himself off and sighs. “God, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever--” He drags a hand through his hair and swallows heavily. He’s choking up, Kurt can tell. “I love you, Kurt, so much, but--” He fiddles with the ring on his finger. “I’d really, really like to blame this on Sebastian, but...” 

Kurt desperately wants to cut him off, force him to just say what he wants to say, but he can’t. He has to let Blaine talk, but he doesn’t want to hear it. It’s inevitable, Kurt knows that, but he still doesn’t want to hear it. 

“This has been going on for a while,” Blaine continues. “But I really think that--” He blinks, and the tears start falling down his cheeks. 

“Blaine,” Kurt says, reaching over and grabbing his hand. He’s not surprised to find he sounds as choked up as Blaine does. 

“I love you, but I don’t think we should get married.” 

Kurt is crying now, too, but he doesn’t object. “I love you,” he repeats instead. Blaine nods, wiping his tears even though he’s still crying. 

“I know. I know, but it’s not enough. I wish it was, I really do, but--Kurt, since you met Sebastian a few weeks ago, you’ve been--” 

“But you just said it wasn’t--” 

“It isn’t. Not just. But can you honestly say you don’t have any feelings for him?” 

“Blaine, that doesn’t matter,” Kurt tries, but they both know his heart isn’t in it. 

“It does. A year ago it wouldn’t have mattered, we would’ve made it through, but now...” Blaine trails off, and Kurt doesn’t know what to say. Blaine is right, Kurt can’t object, but it hurts too much to agree. 

“I don’t want to do this,” Kurt says, trying to keep his breathing under control. 

“Me neither,” Blaine says, clutching Kurt’s hand hard. “But you need an honest chance with Sebastian.” 

“No, I don’t,” Kurt whimpers, because right now, that’s so very far from what he wants. 

“Yes, you do. And if--If it doesn’t work out, with Sebastian, then maybe--But you need to try.” 

“Blaine, this is insane, we can’t just...break it off.” 

“Yes, we can. Kurt, if we’re meant to be, then--it’ll work out, sooner or later. But if not, we shouldn’t--we shouldn’t force it.” 

“But we have to _work_ for it, things don’t just _work out_ in a relationship, Blaine, come on.” 

Kurt doesn’t even know why he’s forcing this. He agrees with Blaine, but it still feels so wrong to break off an engagement. It feels like a failure, a big, massive failure, and Kurt doesn’t know how to deal with this. He’s been entertaining the thought, sure, but to actually break off the engagement--it’s not something he’s ever seen himself doing. 

“We have worked for it,” Blaine says, reaching up to wipe away Kurt's tears. “We have, baby.” 

Kurt drags in a shaky breath to steady himself, but it has the opposite effect and he starts to sob instead. By instinct, Blaine grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him close, hugging him hard and crying, too. Kurt is sobbing into his shoulder and he has no idea how long they sit like that, desperately clutching to each other and crying. 

“I still love you,” Kurt says when they finally separate. His voice is rough and his eyes are hurting, and he feels as crappy as Blaine looks. 

“I know. I love you, too.” 

They're silent for a whole, wiping their eyes and sniffling. “So, what do we do now?” Kurt asks. 

“I don't know.” 

“I should leave, probably.” 

“You don't have to do that.” 

“I know. But I need to. A couple of days, at least.” 

“Okay. Just--don't feel like you _have_ to, because--” 

“I know,” Kurt says, squeezing Blaine's knee reassuringly. “I know.” He leans in and presses a soft kiss to Blaine's cheek, then stands up. “I'm gonna...go pack a bag.” 

* * *

At first, Kurt thinks about going over to Rachel’s, but he reconsiders that pretty quickly when he realizes the interrogation he’ll be put through. Without really thinking about where he’s heading, he ends up at the bus station. He stands there, staring at the departures table, and realizes he wants to go home. He can’t take the bus, it takes forever, but he knows he has enough money to fly. He takes up his phone and looks up flights, then takes off to the right airport. 

He’s almost in a trance all through buying a ticket, security check, and then wandering around the airport waiting for his boarding time. He should probably call someone, call his dad at least, tell him he’s coming home, but he can’t bring himself to do it. He doesn’t want to explain, doesn’t want to say it out loud, because if he does, it will become real. Logically, he already knows it’s real, he’s _in the airport_ , but--it still doesn’t _feel_ real. Kurt looks down at his hands, and starts when he realizes he’s still wearing his ring. The ring that he doesn’t even _like_ god damn it, but taking it off feels weird. Wrong. He still does it. He slides it off, turns it around in his hand, then puts it in his pocket. It’s over. It’s really over. He’s not engaged anymore. 

* * *

He thinks about calling his dad in the airport while he’s waiting for a cab, but he still can’t bring himself to do it. A little surprise has never hurt anyone. He thinks it again when he’s in the cab, the driver thankfully silent, but still--he can’t. 

At the last minute, Kurt changes his mind. “Turn right here, please,” he says, leaning forward. “I don’t know the exact address, but I know the way.” 

* * *

Kurt is not sure about this, at all, but it’s the only place he can think of. The only place where he won’t get judged, where he won’t get asked two billion questions, the only place he’ll be able to relax. 

He takes a deep breath, and knocks on the door. 

* * *

It takes a while, Kurt knocks another time, but eventually, Sebastian opens the door. He’s dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt that has a hole on the chest, his hair is a mess and he’s wearing glasses. 

“Kurt,” he says, staring at him. “What are you doing here?” 

“I didn’t know you wore glasses,” Kurt blurts out, because it’s the first thing he can think of. 

Sebastian raises an eyebrow. “I do. They help me see. Which is why I’m pretty sure you’re standing on my porch, after ignoring me for two weeks.” 

“I’m sorry, I just--didn’t know where else to go. Blaine and I...” Kurt holds up his hand, now ring-less. He can’t say the words, he just presses his lips together and hopes Sebastian gets it. 

“Oh.” He does. 

“I’ll go somewhere else if you don’t want to--I know I have no right to assume anything, but--” 

“I’m leaving,” Sebastian says, cutting him off. “For Paris. In three days.”


	8. Second Summer, part 3

Kurt feels like he’s been slapped in the face. Out of _everything_ he had imagined since he asked the cab driver to change the course, this was not even on the list. 

“You’re--okay,” he says, taking a step back and just barely manages to keep himself upright when his heel hits nothing but the air above the step. “I’m just gonna--” Kurt waves towards where the cab had dropped him off, but he told the driver to leave, so there’s just gravel. He’ll have to call a new one. 

“I mean, you can stay,” Sebastian says, nodding back into the house. “As long as you need. But I’m leaving. I just thought you’d want to know.” 

Kurt looks between Sebastian and the empty driveway, weighs his options. He can’t stay for long either way, he has to get back to work, but even though Sebastian is _leaving_ , it’s still more tempting to stay here than to face his family. 

“Thanks,” Kurt says, and takes a step forward again while Sebastian takes a step back to let him in 

“Do you want anything? I have coffee. And some leftovers,” Sebastian says, gesturing to the kitchen. When he says it, Kurt realizes that he hasn’t eaten anything since breakfast, and as if on cue, his stomach rumbles. Sebastian smirks. “I’ll heat something up.” 

The kitchen is still in its original 50’s decor and Kurt sits down at the table while Sebastian takes out a tupperware container and unloads what looks like lasagna onto a plate. 

“So, do you want to talk about it?” Sebastian says as he puts the plate in the microwave. 

“About what?” 

Sebastian nods towards where Kurt’s hands are folded together on the table. His bare fingers. Kurt looks down at them, draws a shaky breath. 

“No,” he says shortly. 

“Okay,” Sebastian says easily, picking cutlery from a drawer and filling up a glass with water, placing them in front of Kurt. This won’t be the last of it, Kurt is sure, but he’s grateful for the acceptance for now. 

“I should probably call my dad, though,” Kurt says, thinking out loud more than anything. “I was gonna go there first. I didn’t fly out here assuming I could, you know. Just barge in here. But I just--I can’t deal with them, not right now. They’re gonna have questions, and I know they mean well, but I just can’t. Not yet.” 

The microwave dings, and Sebastian pulls the plate out and sets it down on the table. “It’s okay,” he says. “I meant it, you can stay here as long as you want.” He sits down opposite of Kurt. “Not like I’m gonna bother you.” 

“Yeah, thanks. I still need to get back to work, though,” Kurt says, picking the food. 

“Of course. Offer still stands, though.” 

Kurt nods. “Why are you leaving?” he ask, can’t help himself. “I thought you were...busy.” He waves gestures to the room around them. 

Sebastian shrugs. “There’s no deadline. I’m done with the critical stuff on the outside, so there’s no hurry. And I’m only gonna be gone for six months, it’s not like I’m abandoning the place.” 

Only six months. Kurt feels lightheaded with relief. “What are you going to do?” 

“Work.” Sebastian gets up and starts making coffee. “We did a thing for a company as our grad work, and now they want us back for another campaign. And this time they’re paying us. Plus, Michel has gotten us some other things to do, too. I’m not exactly saying no to a job.” 

“No, of course not. But that’s good, isn’t it? That they want you back?” 

“Yeah, it’s awesome,” Sebastian says, leaning back against the counter and seemingly unable to keep the proud smile off of his face. 

“Where are you gonna stay? With you mom? You said she was still in France, right?” 

“Oh, god, no. I mean, yes, she’s still there, but no, I’m not staying with her. I’m renting an apartment.” Sebastian nods to the fridge, where Kurt can see a couple of recipes from papers, and a sheet from a notepad with dates and addresses written on it. 

“What about your dad? Didn’t he move with you?” 

Sebastian turns around and pours his coffee. “Was supposed to, yeah,” he says, not facing Kurt. “Never did. He and mom got divorced instead.” 

“Oh. I’m sorry.” 

Sebastian shrugs and turns around, sitting down at the table again. “For the best, I guess.” 

“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt,” Kurt says. Their eyes meet, and they both know there’s a lot in those sentences. 

“Yeah,” Sebastian says quietly. 

They’re both silent for a while, Kurt finishing the last of his food and Sebastian sipping his coffee. When Kurt is done, he gets up to put the plate in the sink, but he doesn’t even get up from the chair before he lets out a big yawn, causing Sebastian to huff out a laugh at him. 

“Tired?” he asks. Kurt looks at him, blinks, and realizes that yes, he is tired. Exhausted, actually. He glances up at the clock on the wall and is both surprised and not surprised at all to realize it’s almost eleven. 

“Yeah,” he says, almost sounding wondrous. 

“I’ll get you some linens.” 

* * *

Sebastian makes the bed in the actual guest bedroom, the only bedroom on the ground floor. 

“I’m in the master bedroom if you--uhm. Need anything,” Sebastian says a bit awkwardly when he’s done, clutching the protective blanket that’s been laying on the bed. 

“No dinosaurs?” Kurt smiles. 

Sebastian’s eyes flash with something that Kurt doesn’t have a chance to recognize, then he gives Kurt a weak smile. “No. I think I could dig up a dinosaur pillow case if you really wanted to, though.” 

“No need.” Kurt yawns, again, and Sebastian takes a step back. 

“Well, I’ll leave you to it. You know where everything is.” 

“Yeah. Thanks, again. You didn’t need to do this.” 

“I know,” Sebastian says. “But I wanted to.” 

Again, Kurt feels as if they’re talking about something much bigger than making beds. Sebastian leaves, and Kurt does his business in the bathroom. He strips down to his underwear and crawls in between the cool, fresh sheets, and realizes with a start that Sebastian must use the same laundry detergent as his mother does, or did, because the sheets smell almost exactly the same as the ones on Sebastian’s bed all those years ago. 

_Almost_ the same, and it takes Kurt several minutes to realize it’s because they’re missing the smell of _Sebastian_. 

* * *

Kurt barely sleeps through the night, twisting and turning and getting hit with the realization that _it’s over_ , over and over again. He still gets up early next morning and walks out into the kitchen, needing to call in sick to work. He sits down at the table and scrolls through his contacts, looking for the number for the reception. It’s not until Isabelle picks up that Kurt realizes he’s hit the wrong contact. 

“Hi, it’s--Kurt,” Kurt stutters, caught off-guard. 

“Hello, Kurt,” Isabelle says, and Kurt can hear the smile in her voice, patiently waiting for him to explain why he’s calling her half past seven in the morning, when he should be on his way to the office. 

“I’m not--” He means to say _I’m sorry, I’m sick_ , he really does, but what comes out of his mouth is, “Blaine and I split up.” 

“Oh, _honey_ ,” Isabelle says, her voice heavy with sympathy, and Kurt can feel the tears burning behind his eyelids again. 

“So I’m--I’m not in New York, I’m in Lima. I can do some work from home, but I’m--” 

“Of course, take your time,” she says, cutting him off. “I’ll email you a couple of things that need to be done, but don’t worry about it.” 

“Thank you,” Kurt says, hoping he manages to reveal his gratitude. 

“Take care,” Isabelle says, and then she hangs up, cutting the conversation short and effective. 

Kurt puts the phone down and stares out into the air. He just called in sick to work because his ex-fiancé broke off their engagement. 

“Hey,” Sebastian says, coming into the kitchen and going straight for the coffee maker. 

“Hey.” 

Sebastian starts the coffee and then turns around. When he sees Kurt he looks worried. “You okay?” he asks. 

“No,” Kurt replies. Sebastian waits for him to continue, but when he doesn’t, he just nods. 

“I have some stuff to do today. You can--you’re free to do what you want. Borrow the car or whatever.” 

As if on cue, Kurt’s phone dings with the email from Isabelle. “Can I get your wifi password?” he asks. “I have some work to do, actually.” 

Sebastian coughs and avoids Kurt’s gaze. “Uhm. Yeah, sure, let me--” He turns around and grabs a notepad and a pen, scribbling down something. 

“Here,” he says, handing the note to Kurt and then turning around again to pour the coffee. “Still just milk?” 

“Yes, thank you,” Kurt says and reaches for the note. It says _Cart00nHer0es_ and he lets out a startled laugh, surprising both himself and Sebastian. 

“Yeah, well,” Sebastian says defensively, setting down a coffee mug in front of Kurt with a little more force than necessary. “I didn’t exactly plan on sharing it.” 

“I’m not judging,” Kurt says, even though they both know he totally is. He’s smiling, though, and Sebastian seems happy enough about that to let it go. 

* * *

“Are we going to talk about it at all before I leave?” Sebastian asks over dinner that night. Kurt has cooked, and Sebastian likes it, judging by how fast he shovels food into his mouth, at least. 

“I was hoping we wouldn’t,” Kurt says with faked causality. 

“Okay,” Sebastian says and shrugs. “You do have to talk about it eventually, you know,” he adds, avoiding Kurt’s gaze. 

“We didn’t--” _break up because of you_ , Kurt doesn’t finish, because he can control himself, and because he honestly doesn’t know if it’s true. “It just didn’t work out,” he amends. “Nothing to talk about.” 

Sebastian raises his eyebrows, but doesn’t say anything else. 

“Tell me about Paris,” Kurt asks, changing the subject. 

Sebastian accepts it easily. “What do you want to know?” 

* * *

They talk about Paris for almost two hours, and then Sebastian gets up to make coffee. 

“Come here,” he says when it’s done and he has two steaming mugs in his hands, nodding towards the front porch. Kurt raises his eyebrows in question, but he doesn’t say anything, just follows. He opens the door when Sebastian asks him to, watches as he sets the mugs down on the railing and then ducks inside again to flip a switch. 

Kurt gasps as the porch gets flooded with the light from hundreds of teeny tiny fairy lights, hung around the pillars and across the support beams overhead. 

“This is _beautiful_ ,” he says when Sebastian steps back out on the porch and hands Kurt his coffee. 

Sebastian shrugs, obviously pleased with Kurt’s reaction but trying to hide it. “It was your idea,” he says. 

_You need an honest chance with Sebastian_. 

Kurt sips his coffee and looks out over the grounds. 

“I can’t believe it’s been five years,” he says quietly. Sebastian is silent beside him. “I told Blaine we could go to Tokyo for our honeymoon,” he continues, not looking at Sebastian. “Since he’d always wanted to. He was really confused. I can’t believe it’s been five years and you’re _still_ under my skin.” 

“Kurt...” 

“It’s insane. It shouldn’t--It can’t be normal.” 

“You’re not alone. If that helps.” 

Yeah, Kurt has pretty much guessed that, what with the letter, and taking him in, and now the fairy lights. It doesn’t really help, though, it only makes him even more confused and unsure. If Sebastian had moved on completely, and not had any lingering feelings for Kurt, it would’ve been so much easier to just write it off, forget it, and move on. Now he can’t do that, now he _has_ to analyze this and consider the options, and then he has to _do_ something. He’s still unsure what. 

“When did you put these up?” he asks, motioning to the lights and not acknowledging Sebastian’s comment. 

“A week ago.” 

They weren’t even talking a week ago. For all Sebastian knew then, they never would’ve spoken again. 

“They’re really pretty,” Kurt says again, and looks at Sebastian this time. He smiles. 

“Thanks.” He puts his elbows on the railing and points towards one edge of grounds, close to a set of apple trees. “I’m thinking of putting up the greenhouse there,” he says. “Lots of sun, and not in the way. What do you think?” 

“Sounds good,” Kurt says. “You could make a patio there, too. Would be nice with the shade from the trees.” 

“Yeah, until you get an apple in the head,” Sebastian scoffs, and Kurt smiles. 

“True.” 

“I’m thinking of making a patio over there, though,” Sebastian says and points towards another part of the grounds, where the hedges are growing tall. “Plant a couple of more hedge plants in whatever cardinal direction that makes sense. Use an umbrella until they grow up.” When Kurt just hums approvingly, Sebastian points towards the tree right in front of them, down by the lake. “And I’m placing a bench under the tree.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Mm. It’s a good spot.” 

“It is.” 

* * *

Tuesday night, Kurt gives up on trying to sleep. He’s been tossing and turning for two nights, and an hour into the third, he gets up instead. He puts on his jeans and a sweatshirt and walks out, without putting on shoes. The grass is cool against his bare feet, but his clothes keep him warm enough in the chilly night air, and he takes a few deep breaths before he makes his way down to the dock. 

The air is still, so the lake is completely blank, not a ripple in sight. Kurt walks halfway down the dock and then sits down cross-legged in the middle of it, his back towards the house, facing the wide expanse of water. 

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, and somehow he isn’t the least bit surprised when he hears the wood creak behind him. 

“Couldn’t sleep?” Sebastian asks, his voice still a bit raspy from not being used. 

“No.” 

“Do you want to be alone?” Sebastian asks, from right beside him, this time. Kurt shakes his head, and Sebastian sits down. Neither of them say anything for a while, but then Sebastian takes a deep breath. “Look, I know you don’t want to talk about you and Blaine, but we still need to talk about this.” He gestures between them. “I’m leaving tomorrow, we can’t have it like this.” 

“I’m pretty sure you just answered your own question,” Kurt says. “You’re leaving tomorrow. Transatlantic long-distance relationship didn’t work out so well for us the last time, did it?” 

“Come on, Kurt. That’s not fair.” 

Kurt stares at him. “ _Fair_? You want to talk about _fair_? Try losing your phone for a week, only to find out your boyfriend didn’t think you worthy enough to keep in contact. Try having a breakdown over a fucking Aqua song. Try falling in love with someone else, only to have him break up your engagement when your ex walks back into your life. Try that, and then we’ll talk fair.” 

The silence seems bigger now than before. Sebastian avoids Kurt’s gaze. 

“I haven’t burned a mix CD since we broke up,” he says. 

“We never broke up,” Kurt points out, because they didn’t, not technically. Sebastian ignores him. 

“I still went to the airport. When you were supposed to come. I knew you didn’t have your tickets or anything, but I still went.” Sebastian pulls his knees up to his chin and wraps his arms around his legs. He looks so small that Kurt immediately wants to apologize for not showing up, for not taking the flight, but he bites his lip and keeps quiet. “I really wish things were different, that we did better then. But we were nineteen.” He looks up and meets Kurt’s eyes. “We’re older now, and it’s only six months. We could do it. If you want to.” 

“I just broke off an engagement,” Kurt says, but it’s without conviction. 

“I know. Maybe the distance will be a good thing.” 

“I don’t think so.” 

Sebastian smiles sadly. “Me neither.” 

“So...” 

“So. I think we either do this, or we don’t. Like, either we don’t have any contact at all, until when I get home, if we still want to. _Or_ , we try. For real. Despite the distance. We’ll call and skype and text and--I’ll get facebook, if I have to.” 

“The ultimate sacrifice,” Kurt says, giving him a weak smile. It’s slightly overwhelming, how ready Sebastian is to do this. Kurt is honestly still trying to process the fact that Sebastian is leaving in a couple of hours, and that he’ll be gone again, so soon after meeting him. 

“And you can come visit. I can show you the world,” Sebastian says, looking at Kurt to see if he gets the reference, smiling when he does. 

“Shining, shimmering, splendid; I’m not sure anyone uses those words to describe Paris in November,” Kurt remarks, but he feels a bit better. 

“You’ll just have to see for yourself, won’t you?” 

“You really think it could work this time?” Kurt asks, and he’s a little scared to hear the answer. He’s scared to hear a no, to hear that Sebastian doesn’t believe in them, but to hear a yes would also be terrifying. The last time they tried it went to hell, and they barely know each other now. They have no way of knowing if it’ll last this time. If they can do better, if they are better. Kurt is quite sure this isn’t what Blaine meant with ‘honest chance.’ 

“Yes,” Sebastian says. “I mean, it will be really fucking hard. But this time we both know what happens if we give up.” 

“You’ve thought a lot about this,” Kurt says. It’s not a question. Sebastian still nods. 

“If you’re not ready, I get it. But I can’t do this limbo thing while I’m away; I’ll go mad. You need to be all in or all out.” 

“When are you leaving tomorrow?” 

“Kurt...” 

“No, I know. I’m gonna answer. But can I get some time to think?” 

Sebastian sighs. “Yeah. I’m taking a cab around nine, I think?” 

“You want me to drive you?” Kurt asks, and gets a shrug in return. 

“If you want to.” 

“I do.” 

They fall into silence after that. The chilly air starts to get to Kurt, and just as he’s about to get up and go inside again, Sebastian takes another deep breath and asks, almost so fast that Kurt doesn’t catch it, “Can I kiss you?” 

Kurt’s breath get stuck in his throat. Five years ago, in this exact spot, Sebastian asked the same question. There was a lot at stake then, and there’s a lot at stake now, and the similarity almost makes Kurt tear up. 

“Why?” he whispers. 

“Why not?” Sebastian counters, angling himself closer. 

Back then, he asked for Kurt’s first real kiss. It’s the exact same question now, but it feels like he’s asking for so much more. Kurt doesn’t know if he’s ready to give it all up, but he still nods. “Okay.” 

Sebastian’s lips are soft against Kurt’s, and he kisses differently than he did then. Or maybe it’s Kurt that kisses differently, it just doesn’t feel the same. It doesn’t feel bad, it feels really good, but it’s another thing that’s changed between them. Sebastian’s tongue sweeps against Kurt’s bottom lip and he opens up, lets him in, and he gets _dizzy_ from kissing, for the first time in a long while. Kurt lets his eyes fall close and grabs Sebastian’s arm to steady himself. Sebastian takes it as encouragement and reaches up to hold Kurt’s neck, deepening the kiss. The sound of them kissing seems obscenely loud in the silent night and Kurt can feel the blush creeping up his neck when he thinks about how exposed they are. 

When they break apart, Kurt opens his eyes only to find himself staring into Sebastian’s eyes, his breath warm and heavy against Kurt’s cheek. 

“That okay?” Sebastian whispers, in an echo of their first kiss. Kurt just nods, not trusting his voice enough to speak. 

It’s too much. He shouldn’t feel like this. Not now, not _yet_. 

“I, uhm,” he croaks, then clears his throat and points towards the house. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

Sebastian hides his disappointment well, but not well enough. He puts on a smile and nods. “Yeah. Sure.” 

Kurt doesn’t know how long Sebastian stays outside, but he knows he doesn’t hear the door close before he falls asleep. 

* * *

There’s an awkward silence between them all through the next morning. Kurt sits by the kitchen table while Sebastian runs around and does some last-minute packing, and then they get in the car. 

About halfway to the airport, Sebastian clears his throat. “So. Uhm. Have you thought about...” he trails off. 

Kurt tightens his grip on the steering wheel. “Yeah,” he says. 

He can feel Sebastian’s eyes on him, can feel him tense up when the expected continuation doesn’t come. 

“Oh.” 

“Look, it’s just--too early. Me and Blaine haven’t been broke up for even a week, I can’t just--” 

“--Get into a long-distance relationship with a guy you’ve known more or less for five years, still has feelings for, and won’t be able to even touch for at least a couple of months? No, I get it, it makes total sense,” Sebastian says dryly, cutting him off. 

“Sebastian...” 

“No, just--No. I said all in or all out, so. I guess this is it.” 

Kurt swallows his apologies, knowing they won’t be well-received, and focuses on driving. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Sebastian staring determinedly through the passenger window, and he feels his own heart sink. 

This was not how this was supposed to go. Logically, Kurt knows he couldn’t have expected it to end any other way, because he _can’t_ get together with Sebastian now, it would be insane. It would be rude and insensitive and other bad things, because you _don’t_ get together with someone just days after you’ve broken off your engagement, you just don’t. It’s probably law, somewhere at least. 

But Sebastian going away to Paris wasn’t part of the original plan. Sebastian going away to Paris and refusing to look at Kurt the minutes before he leaves was _definitely_ not part of the plan. 

If the silence was awkward before, it’s nothing compared to what it is now. It’s so thick it’s almost touchable, and Kurt desperately wants to lighten things up, but he has no idea how. 

“Thanks for the ride,” Sebastian says when Kurt pulls up on the curb in front of the airport. “Just leave your keys on the table when you leave. Dad’ll be by to check up on things.” 

“Okay. Thanks.” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

Kurt could change his mind, right now. He could tell Sebastian that he wants this, wants them, and then they would kiss and hug and Sebastian would almost miss his flight, and then they’ll spend the next six months longing and crying and skyping. It’ll be hell, and probably worth it, but Kurt can’t bring himself to do it.


	9. Second Summer, part 4

When Kurt gets home from the airport and opens up his computer, there’s an email waiting for him.

 

> _Kurt,_   
> _I talked to the Paris HQ today. I know you told me no about the internship, but I haven’t given them a final answer yet. I’m presuming things have changed for you. Think about it, and then call them with your answer. I’ll support you either way._   
>   
> _/ Isabelle_

Kurt stares at the screen. He’d forgotten about the internship. It had just...fallen out of his mind. He couldn’t go when he was engaged to Blaine, and in the few days that has passed with them _not_ being engaged, Kurt has had other things on his mind. Kurt looks up, glances around for Sebastian to tell him--then it hits him. Sebastian isn’t here. He’s _in Paris_.

Looking at the screen again, at the numbers under Isabelle’s name, Kurt fingers his phone.

This is a daring move. There is so much that can go wrong, but he also knows that it will be immensely rewarding. He’s terrified, but if things go well, he will have Sebastian there to support him.

Kurt checks the time difference, takes a deep breath, and starts to type the +33 phone number. His heart beats wildly in his chest as he listens to the dial tones, and then someone picks up.

“ _Bonjour. Je m’appelle Kurt Hummel..._ ”

* * *

Things move quickly after that. Kurt is due in Paris in two weeks, and as soon as he hangs up, he realizes that he has a lot to do before then.

He starts by calling his dad.

* * *

Kurt spends two days with his family, being cried over, cuddled with, and argued with.

“You sure this isn’t just some...delayed teenage rebellion?” Burt asks late on Friday night. They’re alone in the living room, Burt in the armchair and Kurt curled up on the couch.

“Which part?” Kurt asks dryly. “The breaking off an engagement part or the running off to Paris part?”

His dad shrugs. “You pick.”

“No, no I--Dad, Paris is an amazing opportunity for me, it’s not a rebellion. If I’d run off when I was sixteen, with no job, no place to live, no nothing, then it would’ve been a rebellion. Now I’m going there to work, I have a place to stay--”

“You _hope_ ,” his dad interjects, earning himself a glare.

“And I’ll have a life. And it’s time limited. I’ll come home in six months and when I do I’ll have a life to get back to.” Kurt knows he’s talking to convince himself as much as his dad. “And Blaine...We’re still friends, I think. But we just didn’t work out. And we _have tried_ , Dad,” he says when he sees that Burt is about to protest. “We didn’t expect it to just ‘work out,’ we’re grown-ups, we’re--we _were_ in a committed relationship.” Kurt sighs. “It just didn’t work out,” he says again.

“Alright, alright,” Burt says, holding up his hands. “I hear you. Just. Six months is a long time, y’know.”

“The airplanes won’t stop working while I’m away. I’ll still be able to come home,” Kurt points out.

“But you won’t,” Burt says.

Kurt doesn’t argue.

* * *

The hardest thing is to face Blaine again. Kurt times his arrival to New York to when he knows Blaine is at work. He hasn’t called to tell Blaine he’s coming, but he leaves his shoes and bag in the hall so Blaine will know he’s here when he gets home.

He starts by locating his passport, then stands in front of the closet for a long time. He has no idea what he’s supposed to do with all his stuff. Doesn’t know if Blaine wants him to get them out of sight, doesn’t know where he’s supposed to store them if he does. Cooper bought the apartment for them so Blaine will keep that, and Kurt has no idea where he’ll live when he gets back, but he’s fairly sure Isabelle will help him. If she doesn’t, well...Kurt will just have to deal with that, then.

Kurt is folding shirts into a suitcase when he hears the front door open, Blaine’s footsteps stop, and then the calling out.

“Kurt?”

“Bedroom,” Kurt croaks, then clears his throat. He knows Blaine heard him, though, hears the muted footsteps on the floors, and then Blaine is standing in the bedroom doorway.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hi,” Kurt replies, abandoning the packing for now. “I needed to get some stuff, I hope it’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course, it’s--It’s your apartment, too, so.” Blaine shrugs and gives him the echo of a smile.

“About that,” Kurt says, sitting down on the bed. He pats the space beside him and Blaine comes over and sits down. Kurt takes a deep breath. “I’m moving to Paris,” he says. “For six months.” He looks down at his knees as he says it and he can feel Blaine’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t look up to meet his gaze.

“Okay,” Blaine says, slowly. “With Sebastian, or...?”

“No. Or--Yes, in a way, I guess, but--I’ve gotten an internship at the Vogue headquarters in Paris. Sebastian will be there, yes, but I don’t know if he’ll even talk to me, so I’m not...following him, or whatever.”

“What, you just suddenly got an internship in Paris, just like that?” Blaine says testily. Kurt sighs.

“No,” he says patiently. “They started talking about it two months ago. I said no, because I couldn’t take it while we were together--”

“What--” Blaine tries to interrupt, but Kurt holds up a hand to stop him.

“I’m not blaming you. It wouldn’t have worked, it’s just a fact. Some people can spend years apart, and we wouldn’t have been able to last for six months. You know that; I know that. It’s what I told Isabelle, too. It’s why I didn’t even tell you. I’d honestly forgotten about it until she emailed me the other day, and...well.” Kurt shrugs. “Why not? It’s an amazing opportunity, and I might as well do something different.”

“Yeah, sure,” Blaine mutters, and it would be so easy to pick that up and snipe at him, but Kurt doesn’t have the energy. He wants to finish packing so he can head over to Rachel’s.

“What do you want me to do with my stuff?” he asks, standing up again to resume the folding of his shirts. “Box it, pack it, store it, leave it?”

Blaine stands up and shrugs, without turning around. “I don’t care,” he says, and then he leaves.

* * *

Kurt ends up packing up most of his stuff in boxes, taking advantage of the time Blaine spends at work to be in the apartment. He leaves the things he can easily live without or are easy to replace. If Blaine wants to give them back in six months, then fine, but otherwise it’s no big deal. After trying to have another conversation that also ends in Blaine walking away, Kurt makes the decisions about their shared economy. They’ve been splitting rent, utility bills and food evenly while living together, but since Kurt has had more money, the wedding fund is almost completely his doing. He plans on keep paying the rent for a few months, at least, until Blaine can rearrange his life enough to deal with all of it on his own, so he transfers a big chunk of the wedding money back to his own personal account. He explains this to Blaine in a letter that he puts into the drawer with the bills and checkbooks.

He puts his keys on the kitchen table and takes a last look around the apartment. Blaine is at work. Kurt would’ve preferred it if he was here, so they could talk, so Kurt could say goodbye, but it’s not exactly his decision. He doesn’t have a say in anything in Blaine’s life anymore.

* * *

The last days before Kurt leaves pass in whirlwind. He has a lot of things to finish up at the New York office, and even more things to deal with before he can step onto that plane. He makes a lot of calls, gets a backup plan in case things with Sebastian really don’t work out, and just...a massive amount of things that apparently need to be fixed when you move to another continent, even if it’s just temporary.

“Take care,” Rachel says when they’re at the airport, fiddling with the collar of Kurt’s shirt.

“I will,” he says.

“And if it doesn’t work out this time, maybe you should just...”

“Forget it, let it be, move on?” Kurt finishes for her with a half-smile.

Rachel takes a deep breath, as if she’s about to object, then lets it out again. “Yes,” she says instead. “The way you broke down last time, Kurt, I mean, I appreciated the dramatic flare and the character building part of it, but it was really uncomfortable seeing you like that.”

“Yeah, I know,” Kurt says. “I’ll do my best.”

Rachel lets go of his collar and hugs him, hard. “Call me when you’ve talked to him,” she says into his shoulder. “Even if it’s night here, I’ll sacrifice my beauty sleep for this.”

Kurt tightens his grip around her waist. “Thank you.”

* * *

Just as he's about to board the plane, Kurt's phone buzzes with a text. It's from Blaine.

> I'm sorry

It's only two words, but they still make Kurt light-headed with relief. Blaine doesn't hate him, at least.

< It's okay. I’m sorry too.

They still need to talk, but it can wait.

* * *

It’s late when he arrives in Paris, and even later when he’s finally in a cab. He rattles off the address to the driver, reading from his phone, and then goes into his contacts and hovers over Sebastian’s name. Kurt thinks about calling him, but he’s been dreaming of surprising him at the door since he made the decision to come here, so he waits.

Well, he waits until the cab drops him off in a freaking taxi zone, and Kurt has no idea where to go next. He doesn’t want to wander around aimlessly, looking for the right house on the right street, not when it’s in the middle of the night and he has three suitcases with him, not when the rain is pouring down.

So he calls Sebastian. He locates a bus stop with a roof before pulling out his phone, then has trouble wiping his fingers dry enough to use the touch screen. The first two tries ring long enough to go to voicemail, and then Sebastian _finally_ picks up halfway through the third.

“Fuck you,” he says, and Kurt almost jumps at the harshness in his tone. “When I said all or nothing, I _meant_ all or nothing, Kurt. It’s in the middle of the fucking night, what the hell do you want?”

Maybe this won’t go quite as well as Kurt had hoped. “I, uhm. I’m in Paris,” he says tentatively. “On your block, actually. I think. The cab dropped me off, and I--” There’s a click, and the line goes dead. Kurt stares at his phone. He tries again, but this time there’s only one ring before voicemail.

Kurt looks around, tries calling again, gets to voicemail again. Then he gets an idea, pulls up the camera app, and takes a photo of himself against the houses. It’s a blurry picture, with the rain and then only the streetlights as a light source, but it should be clear enough for Sebastian to recognize it and tell that Kurt isn’t kidding. He sends the photo with the caption ‘ _I’m serious_ ’.

Barely half a minute later, his phone display lights up with Sebastian’s name.

“You’re an idiot,” Sebastian says into his ear as soon as he picks up.

“Yeah, I know,” Kurt says. “And I’m wet and freezing, too, so if you could tell me how to get to your apartment, that would be brilliant.”

“Where are you, exactly?”

Kurt looks up at the sign and gives the name of the bus stop to Sebastian.

“Okay, if you go left, and then turn right at the playground, past the bike rack, it’s the house furthest down on the left.”

“Okay. I need to hang up because I need both my hands, but I think I’ll manage.”

“Yeah, otherwise just call again.”

“Sure.” Kurt hangs up, and looks out into the rain. It’s not the surprise he had planned for, but it seems he’ll have somewhere to stay for tonight, at least.

Sebastian meets him in the lobby of the building, taking one long look at Kurt and then grabbing one of his suitcases, steering them towards the elevator. He’s in sweatpants and a hoodie, his hair a complete mess, and the glasses, again.

“You really are an idiot,” he says, but he holds the elevator door open for Kurt.

They’re silent during the ride up and through the corridor, all the way until they’re inside Sebastian’s apartment.

“Why are you here?” Sebastian asks as soon as the door is closed and locked.

“I wanted to see you.”

“Okay? And then you were just hoping I’d want to see you, too?”

Kurt shrugs and tries to come off as casual, but he knows he’s failing. “Pretty much.”

A beat of silence, and then Sebastian closes the space between them and kisses him, hard.

“Complete idiot,” he says against Kurt’s lips, and Kurt can’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, I must be, I went after you.”

“Point,” Sebastian says, then kisses him again. Kurt wraps his arms around his shoulders, and Sebastian jerks away, hissing. “You’re soaked,” he says, as if Kurt had no idea. “We should get you out of those clothes,” he continues, a sly smile spreading over his face as he starts to pull on the buttons of Kurt’s jacket.

Kurt knows this is too fast, knows that they need to talk about this, that they shouldn’t rush into anything, but as Sebastian’s warm fingers grazes his cold skin, he can’t bring himself to care.

“Do you have a bed?” he asks, helping Sebastian with the buttons and then wrangling himself out of the jacket.

“Yeah,” Sebastian nods, and starts backing into the apartment, not releasing his grip on Kurt.

Between the two of them, it doesn’t take long before they’re naked, and then Sebastian pushes Kurt backwards onto the bed.

“What do you want?” he asks, straddling him and leaning down to lick Kurt’s neck. “Tell me.”

“Fuck me,” Kurt gasps, leaning his head back to give Sebastian better access to his neck. “Please.”

“Okay,” Sebastian says, and Kurt can feel his cock twitch against Kurt’s own. “I can do that.”

“Good,” Kurt says and grabs Sebastian's head, forcing him back up so he can kiss him again. They get caught up in that for a while, the frantic slip-slide of their lips and the friction between their cocks when Sebastian grinds lightly against Kurt. Kurt runs his nails down Sebastian’s back when he sucks a hickey onto Kurt’s neck, and gets rewarded with a moan.

“Do you have-- _hnng_ \--condoms and--” Kurt breaks off completely when Sebastian blows lightly over the mark he just left, and he can feel Sebastian’s lips turn into a smirk.

“Yes,” he says, then moves further down and starts working on another mark.

“Good,” Kurt says, and is just about to relax and let Sebastian keep doing what he’s doing, when he feels a hand sneaking in between them and down over Kurt’s balls, between his legs and then pressing against his hole.

“You want it?” Sebastian whispers, easing up from his attack on Kurt’s neck and removing his hand from between them to reach into the nightstand. “You want me to fuck you?”

“Yes,” Kurt huffs out, frustrated, shifting on the bed to get into a better position for Sebastian to prep him. “Come on.”

“I’ve been waiting for three weeks,” Sebastian mutters as he starts to crawl down the bed. “Calm down.”

Kurt is about to retort, but then Sebastian licks his cock, and talking back suddenly gets very low priority on Kurt’s list.

“Oh my god yes _please_ ,” he moans instead, reaching down and gripping Sebastian’s shoulder, keeping him in place.

“Yeah?” Sebastian says, and Kurt can’t see him anymore, but he can _feel_ the smile against his skin.

“ _Yes_ , come on,” Kurt urges, his fingernails digging crescent shapes into Sebastian’s shoulders. He feels Sebastian hiss, digs his nails a little deeper, and gets rewarded with Sebastian licking his cock again, sucking a little on the head. “Mm- _hmm_.”

It’s a warm, sloppy mess of tongue, saliva, precome and the slight burn of Sebastian’s stubble against the sensitive skin of Kurt’s crotch, and then _just_ as Kurt thinks he’s about to go mad from the teasing, he hears the click of the lube bottle and seconds later he feels Sebastian gently probing him open with a finger.

It hurts. Kurt hasn’t been fucked in over a year, and no matter how slow Sebastian goes, it’s still painful. It’s also stupidly hot, though, having Sebastian over him like this, so Kurt breathes through it the best he can, and when Sebastian adds another finger and _twists_ , the pain is pretty much forgotten.

“You ready?” Sebastian asks when he’s fucking three fingers into Kurt, his gaze flickering between his hand and Kurt’s face. He’s having trouble keeping his voice steady, Kurt can tell, and it’s nice knowing he has that effect on Sebastian.

“Yes,” Kurt says and nods for emphasis, then spreads his legs a little to give Sebastian more room. Sebastian wipes his hand on the sheet and rolls on the condom, slicks himself up, then moves in closer to Kurt. He presses his cock against Kurt's hole and Kurt squeezes his eyes shut as he tries to relax as much as possible.

“Hey,” comes Sebastian's voice, surprisingly gentle and surprisingly close. “Open your eyes.”

Kurt does, and Sebastian is right there in front of him, looking at him with the most tender expression Kurt has ever seen. It feels out of place considering the position they're in, and considering the state of their relationship, and Kurt has to force himself to keep his eyes open and not squeeze them shut again to avoid the look.

Sebastian closes the last inches of space between them and kisses him, pressing his cock into Kurt at the same time, and oh god, Kurt had no idea he'd missed it _this_ much. He wraps his arms around Sebastian's neck, keeps him close on top of him even though it hinders Sebastian's motions quite a bit.

They start out slow, but Sebastian grows impatient and leans back again, grabbing Kurt's thighs to keep his legs spread. He thrusts in hard, making both of them gasp, and then keeps up the pace, fucking Kurt hard and fast until Kurt reaches down to grab his own cock. He’s only been half-hard since Sebastian started fingering him, but the friction of his palm quickly brings him back.

Kurt would like to keep on doing this for hours, just drag it out and go with the ebb and flow of it all, but he’s too tired. He’s been on a plane for half a day, and that coupled with the nerves and anxiety of maybe, and maybe not, seeing Sebastian again, has him exhausted. He wants to come, and sleep, and then go at it in the morning again.

“Come on,” he mutters, clenching his ass around Sebastian “Come on, just--”

“Harder? Faster?” Sebastian asks, while giving him both.

“ _Yes_ , please,” Kurt pleads, jerking his cock harder in time with Sebastian’s thrusts.

“God, Kurt, you’re--” Sebastian bites down on the last words and bends down over Kurt again, his hands above Kurt’s shoulders. He leans in, mouths at Kurt’s neck again, moving lower until he reaches his clavicle, and yeah, some things definitely do not change over the years, because just the lightest touch has Kurt squirming on the bed. Kurt feels the huff of breath as Sebastian laughs against his skin and jerks his cock even faster, just working towards getting himself off, he just needs to _come_ , just--Sebastian sits back again, lifts Kurt’s hips a little, and the change of angle is enough, makes him fuck Kurt _just right_ , brings him right over the edge. Kurt comes in messy stripes over his hand and stomach, then lifts his legs and places his heels on Sebastian’s ass, helps him fuck him. A few thrusts later, Sebastian gasps as he digs his fingers into Kurt’s thighs and comes, then slumps down on top of him without even pulling out.

“Totally worth the flight ticket,” Kurt says, breathlessly, earning himself another laugh from Sebastian.

“Seriously, though,” Sebastian says, sliding off of him, pulling off the condom and tying it up before settling in beside Kurt. “Why did you come?”

They should probably clean up, Kurt should definitely shower, but it’s an important conversation, and they might as well get it over with.

“I took the internship,” Kurt says. “I’m here for the next six months.”

Sebastian looks at him. “Where are you planning on staying?” he asks. Kurt can’t read him, can’t tell if he’s teasing or if he’s genuinely curious.

“Uhm.” Kurt draws a breath, looks Sebastian in the eyes. “Here?”

“Yeah? You just...assumed?”

Kurt shrugs. “I have a backup plan. But I hoped. Took a leap of faith, you know.” Sebastian’s expression is still unreadable, and Kurt is starting to get worried. “I’m serious about the backup plan, there is one,” he says. “If you want me to leave, I’ll just--”

“No,” Sebastian says, putting a hand on his arm to keep him where he is. “Don’t. I didn’t--It’s just unexpected. I’ve spent one and a half week convincing myself not to call you, and I’m definitely not complaining about this, but can you give me until tomorrow, at least?”

“Yeah, sure,” Kurt says, even though he wants to press Sebastian down into the mattress and not let him up until he gets an answer. “Do you have, uh,” he gestures down to where his come is drying on his stomach. “I mean, I should shower, but--” he cuts himself off with a yawn, proving his point. Sebastian presses a kiss to his forehead, then climbs over him to get out of the bed.

“It can wait,” he agrees, takes the condom with him and dumps it in the trash. He disappears into the bathroom, Kurt hears the water running, and then Sebastian reemerges with a towel in his hand. “Here,” he says, throwing it at Kurt and then turning around to dig into one of the drawers. There’s still light spilling out from the bathroom, illuminating his features beautifully when he bends over, and Kurt is pretty sure Sebastian is aware and that he stays bent over a little longer just for Kurt’s benefit.

“You wanna borrow?” Sebastian asks, holding up a pair of briefs. Kurt nods and catches them when Sebastian throws them, dumps the towel on the floor before pulling the underwear on and crawling in beneath the covers.

“Why does it always rain when you do this?” Sebastian asks when he’s crawled in beside him, not too close.

“Two times doesn’t constitute as always,” Kurt says, rolling his eyes.

“It’s still two times out of two times.”

“Well, you know me. Dramatic flair, and all.”

“Yeah.” Sebastian’s smile is sleepy and his eyes are drooping. “Well, it’s nice that you’re here, but I have to be up in like...five hours,” he says and yawns.

“I don’t even know how long I’ve been awake,” Kurt says, also yawning.

“Sleep?”

“Mm.”

What with the travelling, the nerves, and the sex, it doesn’t take long at all before Kurt is sound asleep.

* * *

Sebastian has just gotten into the shower when there's a knock on the door. Kurt groans, waits for a second, then calls "There's someone at the door!" through the open bathroom door.

"Can you take it? It's probably Michel, he's always early!"

"I'm naked, Sebastian!"

"He's straight as an arrow, he won't care!" There's a beat of silence, then the sound of the shower running stops. "On the other hand, please put on pants. The sight of you naked will be enough to turn him."

"Flattery will get you nowhere!" Kurt calls back, even as he shuffles over the bed to grab the first pair of pants he can get his hands on. They're Sebastian's, but Kurt doesn't care. He yanks them on, then stumbles through the apartment while buttoning them up. He drags a hand through his hair when he's in front of the door, trying to make himself semi-presentable, then opens it.

His jaw drops.

"Mrs. Smythe!" he says, too loudly and definitely too shocked. He's only wearing pants, Sebastian's pants, and she can probably tell they're his. Kurt is also acutely aware that he has a blooming hickeys on his neck, where Sebastian was a little too enthusiastic last night, and a bite mark near his hip from before Sebastian got into the shower. He crosses his arms over his chest self-consciously but holds his head high. "I didn't expect to see you here," he says.

"Well, I can certainly say the same to you," she replies. “And it’s Ms. Riendeau, if you don’t mind,” she adds coolly.

“Sure,” Kurt says, equally coolly. “What are you doing here?”

She raises her eyebrows in reply, but Kurt doesn’t cower. “Sebastian has a meeting,” he says, and Mrs.--Ms. Riendeau scoffs.

“Sure he has,” she says, obviously not believing him for even the fraction of a second.

“Look,” Kurt says, moving forward, “I’m sure he’s--”

“Mom!” Sebastian says, coming up behind Kurt. “What are you doing here?” He stands close, puts his hand on the small of Kurt’s back. “I have a meeting in, like, five minutes.”

He’s still only in a towel, and Ms. Riendeau pointedly looks between both of their bare chests. “Sure,” she says again. “Sebastian, honey, I really need you to--” She’s interrupted when a blonde guy shows up behind her, looking momentarily confused at the commotion, before he spots Sebastian.

“Bonjour,” he says politely to Ms. Riendeau, then looks at Sebastian with a smirk. “ _You need a few minutes_?”

“Uh, yeah,” Sebastian says, looking from Kurt, to himself, to his mom. “You brought breakfast?” The guy, most likely Michel, nods, and holds up a paper bag and a tray with two coffee cups.

“ _I didn’t know you had company, though_.”

“I’m gonna...go shower,” Kurt says, awkwardly and backs away. “And then I’ll go for breakfast.”

“Sorry about this,” Sebastian whispers in his ear, then kisses his cheek. Kurt gives him a weak smile back. “Mom, you need to leave,” Sebastian says then, turning back towards his mother. “I need to work.”

“But he’s allowed to stay?”

Kurt stops in the doorway to the bedroom. He’s out of sight, but not out of hearing range.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but he lives here,” Sebastian says shortly. Kurt stops breathing. They haven’t talked about it yet, they woke up when Sebastian’s alarm went off, exchanged blowjobs, and then this. But unless Sebastian is lying to his mother just to shut her up, Kurt is pretty sure he just scored himself a boyfriend. And a place to stay for the next six months, of course.

“Sebastian, sweetie. You know what he did to you--”

“I need to work, Mom. I’ll call you.” Kurt hears the front door being shut, and slips into the bedroom.

“I know you heard that,” Sebastian says a few seconds later, while Kurt is bent over his suitcase, digging out clothes and toiletries. “And I just wanted to let you know that I meant it.”

Kurt stands up and looks at him. “Okay. Good.”

Sebastian crosses the few feet of floor between them and grabs Kurt’s face to kiss him. “This is our last shot, though,” he murmurs against Kurt’s lips. “I can’t deal with anymore on and offs like that.”

Kurt nods. “Yeah.” He doesn’t think he can deal with more on and offs, either. “I agree.”

“Sebastian?” Michel calls from the kitchen.

“I’m coming!” Sebastian yells back.

“ _Not literally, I hope_!”

Kurt snorts. “I can see why you two get along. Do you always talk like this?” he asks, waving his hand between Sebastian and the doorway.

Sebastian shrugs. “Pretty much. He wasn’t great with English when we met, so we worked out a system.”

“Makes sense.” Kurt puts his hands on Sebastian’s shoulders and gives him another kiss. “Get dressed and get to work. We’ll talk later.”

“Yes sir,” Sebastian smirks, kisses him again. “Later.”

* * *

Despite not ever having lived together before, and barely seeing each other for five years, Kurt and Sebastian get along surprisingly well while sharing an apartment. It probably helps that Kurt spends almost all his waking hours at the office or commuting, but they’re also good at giving each other space when needed. They fight, of course, it’s unavoidable, with Kurt never moving his shoes from the hall mat and Sebastian never, _ever_ closing the cupboards in the kitchen, and approximately one billion other habits that drive them nuts, and then there’s also the tiny detail of their last breakup. But they make it through, they talk a lot, and they find a rhythm that works for them.

The thing that constantly gets them off beat, though, is Sebastian’s mother. Kurt feels like the cliché of clichés when he slowly grows into something akin to mortal enemies with his one day, not at all hopefully, mother-in-law, but it’s unavoidable. She hates Kurt, that much is clear, and no matter how much Sebastian talks to her, no matter how polite Kurt is, no matter how good his French is, she just refuses to cut him any slack. It drives Kurt mad, but she’s still Sebastian’s mother, so he tries his best to zen his way through the few interactions they’re forced to have.

It works until a Sunday late in November, when they have her over for dinner. Ms. Riendeau is less than impressed by the food, as usual, until Sebastian says they made it together. Kurt takes care of the dishes while Sebastian and his mother have coffee, and he hears them, although mostly her, start talking about plans for Christmas. Kurt has been trying to push the subject out of his mind, because he’s aware he’s not flying back to Lima, but he hasn’t really thought about what it _means_ , not flying back. Not until Sebastian’s mom starts talking about his grandparents, and cousins, and _traditions_ , and--Kurt takes a deep breath, tunes them out. He can’t start thinking about it now, either, because it won’t do breaking out into tears while Sebastian’s mother is still here.

Kurt doesn’t talk to Sebastian about the conversation. He knows Sebastian knows he heard it, but it’s family, and Kurt and Sebastian haven’t been together for even six months. Kurt doesn’t want to intrude, doesn’t want to imply that Sebastian should abandon his family just because Kurt can’t go back to his.

He turns the thoughts around in his head until he almost brings himself to tears on the subway home one day. There’s a gay couple opposite of him, and one of them looks so much like Blaine that Kurt has to force himself not to stare. He and his boyfriend are really sweet to each other, leaning over to whisper things in each other’s ears, and Kurt suddenly realizes that he doesn’t know how Blaine is spending his Christmas. He hasn’t spoken to his parents in years, but Cooper has, so while he spends his Christmas there, Blaine has spent his with Kurt since they got together. Even their first Christmas, when they’d only been together for two months, Blaine followed Kurt to Lima.

Sebastian isn’t home when Kurt gets in, but he needs to talk to someone, so he calls the first person he thinks off.

“Kurt?” comes Blaine’s voice in his ear. “Are you okay?”

“Can you spend Christmas with my family?” Kurt blurts out, surprising himself.

“What?” Blaine says, clearly taken aback.

“I’m sorry, I don’t--” Kurt sits down on the couch, tugging on his scarf. He hasn’t even taken off his coat. “I’m just, Sebastian’s spending Christmas with Satan and her family, and I’m here, and I can’t go home, and I want him to be here but I can’t tell him that, but then I remembered you, and I don’t want you to be alone either, because being alone at Christmas sucks, and it’s, I don’t--”

“Kurt, sweetheart, breathe,” Blaine interrupts, trying to soothe him. “In, out, in, out, come on.” Kurt does as he says, calms himself down, then clears his throat.

“I’m sorry for calling you like this,” he says, wiping his nose.

“It’s okay.”

“I didn’t mean to dump it on you like that, though.”

“Kurt, it’s okay,” Blaine repeats. “Actually...” he sounds embarrassed, now. “Your dad called me just the other day, asking the same thing.”

“What?” Kurt says, because he spoke to his dad yesterday, and he didn’t mention anything.

“Yeah. He knows about my family, obviously, and since you’re not coming home, and he knows we don’t hate each other, he...called. And asked.”

“What did you say?”

“That I should talk to you, first. I don’t want to do it if it makes you uncomfortable. Which, I’m guessing, it doesn’t.”

“No. Okay. That’s that, then.” Kurt feels oddly empty. His family is making do just fine without him, obviously, and Blaine, too. And Sebastian has family here. Kurt feels suddenly superfluous in his own life.

“Kurt, maybe you should talk to Sebastian?” Blaine suggests gently.

“Yeah, I’ll...do that,” Kurt says, but he’s pretty sure Blaine knows he won’t. “I should probably go. Uhm. Thanks, for, you know.”

“Yeah, sure. Take care.”

“You, too.” Kurt hangs up, then sits still for a few moments, staring out into the air. He starts when the door closes and Sebastian comes in behind him.

“Hey,” he says, but then he sees that Kurt is still in his coat. “Are you okay?” He rounds the couch, takes in the phone in Kurt’s hand, sits down beside him. “Did something happen? Is your dad--”

“What? No. I mean, he’s fine. Nothing happened.”

“Okay. So...?”

“So, nothing. It’s--nothing.”

“Okay,” Sebastian says, but he obviously doesn’t believe him. “If it’s nothing, you want to take off your coat?”

“What? Oh, yeah.” Kurt gets up and walks out into the hall to take off his coat and scarf.

“I talked to my mom today,” Sebastian says when Kurt is out there. He sounds--weird, Kurt can’t really put his finger on it.

“Okay?”

“I told her I’m not coming over for Christmas.”

Kurt spins around and stares at him. “What?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“She explicitly said you weren’t invited, and I don’t want to spend Christmas without you, so. I told her I’m not coming.”

He says it like it’s no big deal at all, like he isn’t abandoning the way he’s spent the holidays for the last couple of years, just for Kurt.

“Okay,” Kurt says on an exhale, not knowing what else to say. “Thank you.”

Sebastian walks over to him, takes his hand and tangles their fingers together. “You don’t have to thank me, idiot. I love you, and I _know_ you’ve been worked up over this. I’m not losing you to please my mother. She fucked this up in the first place.”

Kurt’s mind is reeling. They’re spending Christmas together. Sebastian just told him he loves him. And Sebastian’s mother did--”What?” he says, dumbfounded. “She--what?”

“She’s the one who forced me to change my number. Didn’t I tell you?”

Kurt shakes his head. “No.”

“Oh.” Sebastian squeezes his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not like it matters now, anyway,” Kurt says. It doesn’t, and it feels _so good_ that it doesn’t. She fucked it up, sure, but they’re here, now, and they’re going to make it this time. Kurt is sure of it.

“I guess it doesn’t,” Sebastian agrees. “Besides, you’re the one who knows I’ve been very, _very_ naughty this year, so it’s only appropriate that we spend Christmas together, so you can...punish me,” he says, whispering the last bit in Kurt’s ear, his warm breath tickling Kurt’s skin.

“Oh, my god,” Kurt says, rolling his eyes. “And you call _me_ an idiot.”

“Takes one to know one,” Sebastian says, moving his mouth over Kurt’s cheek until he reaches his lips.

“I guess. I love you, too, by the way,” Kurt says, and Sebastian gives him a wide smile before he closes the last bit of space between them, and kisses him.

* * *

 

**EPILOGUE**

Sebastian wakes up when the first rays of sun hit his eyes. It’s a little before eight, the alarm will go off in a minute, and Sebastian takes the time to look at his fiancé, still asleep. Kurt is spread out beside him, looking relaxed, and Sebastian hopes he’ll see that look on him a lot more during the next two weeks. They’ve both been working hard to get here, but after today, the stress and pressure will be gone, and they can just enjoy themselves.

The mattress dips at their feet, and Sebastian looks down to see Madonna curling up on herself, burrowing into the covers. It’s only September, but it’s been a chilly month so far, and Sebastian understands her. He glances up to the window, sees nothing but clear blue sky through the curtains, and smiles. It’ll be a great day.

Kurt stirs when the alarm starts to chime softly, and Sebastian reaches over to turn it off before facing him.

“Hey,” he says, stroking Kurt’s cheek.

“Hey, yourself,” Kurt replies, unable to keep a smile off his face even though it’s only eight in the morning.

“You ready for the happiest day in your life?” Sebastian asks, and Kurt inhales sharply, surprised. Then his smile grows even wider, and he nods.

“Yes. I am.”

 

_Circle me and the needle moves gracefully_   
_Back and forth, if my heart was a compass you'd be North_   
_Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall_   
_Wherever you go, if my heart was a house you'd be home_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All my love to Emy, Malin and Christine, who have seen me through this with at least parts of my sanity intact. I don't know what I'd do without you guys ♡♥︎


End file.
